Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 10/22/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi.

A little background.  I grew up in a very Catholic home, went to private Jesuit school K-12, was baptized, did first communion, and confirmation, had a deacon neighbor growing up.   But, I was the kid who was always asking about evolution, gay rights, how other religions fit in to Catholicism.    

Out of respect for my mom until I turned 18 I went to church with her every Sunday, though at times I very much wanted to stay in bed.  When I went away to college I even tried to go to church with some girls that lived in the dorm with me, but I have never felt that, I don't know... blind faith thing?  I don't know how else to describe it.  

So now I'm 27 getting married, and to a guy who was raised in a christian home, but neither one of us is actively going to church .  We did attend church with my family at Christmas, and Easter, because my mom asked us to go.  When I was talking with my mom the other day she said, well of course he will convert and you will get married at the church.  I felt totally blown away.  When I said no, she got very upset, said she is a failure as a catholic, that my actions speak of how she has failed as a mother.  

I am just very confused.  I don't feel like it would be acceptable for me have have a Catholic wedding.  


ANSWER: Hi, Alicia...

Well, I don't exactly see a question here; but you seem to be describing your religion as a Catholic as something you have in effect pretty much given up on and forsaken.  In your present circumstances and mindset, I would have to agree that your decision not to celebrate the true Sacrament of Marriage is, if nothing else, consistent with your interior beliefs and dispositions.  Since you no longer, at least at this time, exercise the theological virtue of Faith and belief in Catholicism, I can see how you could feel that it would not be acceptable for you to go through the motions of a Catholic wedding.
That having been said, I would be very curious how this consistency of personal opinions holds up in regards to other Sacraments; for example, when you attended Mass with your family at Christmas and Easter, did you refrain from going up to receive Holy Communion?  Because, as you know, going up to receive Holy Communion is an outward statement that says you believe in the True and Substantial presence of Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist body, blood, soul, and Divinity by the miracle of transubstantiation; it also says you desire to have "communion" with Almighty God through the Saving Power of Jesus Christ Whom you acknowledge as Lord and Savior; and that you are one in communion and Catholic Faith with your fellow Catholics and members of the Mystical Body of Christ, the Church, in communion with and under the spiritual authority of the Pope and Bishops in communion with him in the same Church.  So, of course, receiving Holy Communion at this time would also be totally unacceptable...
What would be acceptable?
Well, if you're asking my opinion and admonition, it would be for you to take some time to do an in-depth study of the Catholic religion to see why the Catholic Church upholds the positions and teachings she takes on such matters as the theory of evolution, the problems with the gay lifestyle and agenda, and her relationship to other religions.  I think it would be acceptable to move beyond a mere psycholigical and emotive experience of Catholic life and teaching beyond mere "blind faith" in order to be formed intellectually and morally, at the very least in those areas that touch upon science in some way (evolution), and the moral teaching discovered in the positive natural law (gay agenda) that is wider and broader than merely some sort of "sepcial" Catholic teaching.

Fr. Timothy Johnson

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: To answer your question, no I have not been receiving communion when I have been going to church with my mom as I have not been going to confession, which is a huge issue with my mom anyway.  

Sorry, I did all that typing and didn't end up asking a question... ha.  Does this really make my mom a failure, and do you think there is a way I can communicate with her that it isn't appropriate for me to have a catholic wedding?

Answer
Hi, again:

I guess that you would just have to communicate that since you do not believe in Catholicism, it makes no real sense for you to have a Catholic wedding ceremony.  Being straightforward and honest in a polite manner would probably be the best anybody in your situation could do.  I don't think this makes your Mom a failure; and though I am not happy personally about your current situation in relationship to the Catholic Faith in which the attempt was made to raise you, I can't argue but to simply say that you are being logically and fundamentally consistent in your own situation.  But one last time, I would urge you not to fail personally in undertaking some serious study into the Catholic Faith to better be acquainted with the Salvation Story and Plan of God the Heavenly Father in the Saving Power of His Son, Jesus Christ the Lord.

Fr. Timothy Johnson