Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 2/15/2009

Question
I am feeling very torn right now.  My cousin (who was baptized Catholic and received all the sacraments, but no longer attends mass) will be marrying another Catholic (also non-practicing to my knowledge) in a non-Catholic wedding ceremony.  Our parish priest this weekend used this very example to show how we are to be inclusive like Jesus was with the leper (Readings for Sunday February 15th).  We are not to close our relationship with them because we feel we will be breaking a law.  His advice is that we should attend such a wedding.  Another priest I know, who is much more traditional than my parish priest, said that I could go so that maybe in the future I could encourage them to get their marriage blessed in the Church.  I know that Christ is all loving and forgiving.  But, still I feel that the truth is the truth.  And in Him there are no lies.  And I think I would feel uncomfortable witnessing a civil marriage at a hall that represents nothing more than a piece of paper.  Yet, both these priests seem to be telling me it's okay to attend.  Help!
P.S.  The bride and groom to be are living together and this also makes me uncomfortable.

Answer
Hi, Jessica:
Thanks for the question.
I would have to disagree with the advice of the two other Priests because they are "encouraging" you to attend something that would be unlawful and therefore INVALID and non-sacramental attempt at marriage between 2-Catholics, each of whom is bound by the Church Law of "Canonical Form."  Likewise, your willing attendance at something you KNOW is unlawful is a public witness that you condone their disregard for Church Authority, and their obligations as Catholics.  I personally would not attend such a ceremony (even if I were not a Priest), just because I am a Baptized Catholic always striving to live my Catholic Faith.
Not attending their wedding ceremony would not be utterly closing yourself off from them... and besides, look what they're doing: they are closing themselves off from their relationship with the Church and God.
To be fair, however, I can also offer you the advice that you might be able to attend, but nevertheless make known to them your concern that they are totally disregarding their Catholic Faith on this matter.  At this point in their life, it would seem that they don't believe in Marriage as a Sacrament, nor do they have any regard for the Apostolic Authority of binding and loosing with which Christ endowed His Church.  But I believe that you will find that no matter the way in which you express your disapproval and concern will very likely be met with a certain amount of hostility and rationalization on their part.  They want you and the Church to affirm them in their choice to do wrong.  If the "marriage" does not work out in the future, at least they are neither one bound by a sacramental bond; and if they some day come to conversion of heart, hopefully they will be able to find their way back into the fullnes of communion with the Church Christ established.
I suppose that the key here would be not merely to "condemn", but to encourage them to the practice of the Faith of their Baptism with love.
Pray a lot!  May God strengthen you in every good work!

Fr. Timothy Johnson