Expert: Michael Clark, Ph.D. - 5/18/2009

Question

     I am an interpreter with the USA army overseas. I may stay here from one to five years. I am making good salary, and I am willing to stay here as long as the company or military keeps me. The Lord have saved my life here in several dangerous occasions, so please ask your churches to continue praying for USA military and the civilians working with them in war zones. This Army base is like a huge prison. I can not go outside alone unless I am with a convoy of troops or in a helicopter with comrades.

    I am almost 34 years old. I have been single all my life. I was always praying to receive some wisdom, guidance, and discernment from God to know how to treat women, and to make some friends, but I never had any women friends.

    John Powel, a theology professor from Loyola University once said: when true love is missing in human life, it is usually because people have either selfishly or timidly kept the doors of their heart locked and barricaded. This is perhaps what was happening with me. I was rejecting women all the time. As much as I needed them and loved them, I also rejected them in the same quantum. I wish if I could consciously accept my fear and my anger and let them go for good. I had several opportunities before, but I did not recognize them. It would be a big loss to not have a romantic bond.

    God blessed me with many things I want like health, traveling, adventures, nice salary, but I wounder if he want to choose a mate and vocation for me, or I have to develop certain skills and discipline myself to earn a poor selfless woman.

Thanks for being a volunteer to accept and answer questions.

Answer
Sam, I think it's a bit of both. I think we're all imperfect and God helps us to grow in ways and toward areas that are good. If then, there's a Plan for you to enter into matrimonial life, God may be giving you these questions, such as "what can I do better?" to make it happen.

Speaking from experience, it seems no relationship comes with perfect presets. By this I mean that relating in a mature, adult way is an ongoing piece of work because different people have different views and challenge us in many ways. If we have any stuff we haven't dealt with, chances are a relationship will bring that out.

So I'd say just keep doing what you're doing. Introspect and reflect a bit. But also keep redirecting old attitudes that may have got in the way of your having a good relationship with a woman. And even when you find her (and she finds you), keep doing that.

Relationships are like a fire. You gotta keep tending them or they just fizzle out.

That's how I see it, at any rate.

As for your military involvement, I most certainly will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you,

MC