Expert: Tom Schott - 5/28/2009

Question
QUESTION: I am a divorced Catholic. I remarried a divorced Lutheran.  I have been experiencing much conflict and inner turmoil regarding my status for the past couple of years and I also hate begin away from the Church.  I am truly sorry for the divorce.

Nowhere in the bible does it speak of annulment; to me this is something developed by the institution of the Catholic Church to justify allowing the remarriage of divorced individuals, as well as to construct the idea of valid vs invalid marriages. There are many good arguments supporting that according to the bible, each marriage is valid, even if  a marriage started out sinfully as a second marriage.  There is nothing in the bible that calls a second marriage invalid.

From my readings, it appears that I would be instructed by a priest  that I am living in sin, that I should seek an annulment (which does not seem like an option to me; my first marriage was valid according to the definitions of the Church) or that I should attempt reconciliation with my first husband. Do two wrongs make a right?  Wouldn't divorcing my second husband to remarry my first or even not to remarry, be committing the same sin again?  Aside from the fact that reconciliation is not possible, how does the Catholic Church justify the advice of reconciling with the first husband when in the bible it says that a woman may not return to her first husband after marrying another? (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) I am experiencing a lot of angst and turmoil over my situation. I pray for God's guidance.

ANSWER: Alice,

I don't know what you may be reading, but it sounds as if you might be  operating under a fundamental misunderstanding. First, no one would instruct you that you're "living in sin." The Catholic church, let us hope, is far more compassionate and understanding than that. In fact, you're living apart from the sacraments. Secondly, the Church is concerned with whether any particular union was a =sacramental one=. That's what determines whether it was valid or not. Was it a sacrament? Was it Christ-centered from its beginning to its end? This is what the annulment process examines. Thirdly, no one in the Church would counsel you to reconcile with your previous husband, much less divorce your present husband. That is not at all what the church is concerned about. It is concerned about your well being as a member of the church. What the annulment process is intended to do is to welcome you gladly back into full communion with the church.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much for your answer.  By "living in sin" I meant in the constant state of adultery according to the Catholic Church. The readings I was referring to were on various Catholic websites. I must admit that I feel relieved to hear I am not being counseled to divorce my husband; that truly feels to me that it would be committing the same sin over again.  So, it sounds like you recommend that I pursue annulment further. My first marriage was sacramental, we were both mature in entering into it, but I am not sure about the Christ-centered part you mentioned; the Church was a part of our lives, if that's what you mean. I have a lot of confusion regarding annulment in general; why is annulment a valid process for ending a marriage? Wouldn't it have been mentioned in the bible?  Thank you again for your help.

ANSWER: Alice,

 The Catholic Church does not consider you living in a "constant state of adultery." Not at all! You are legally divorced and remarried. If you will forgive me, but it is not your determination to decide whether your first marriage was sacramental. That's what annulment tribunals do. It takes more than maturity entering marriage to determine that. The Church being a central part of your lives, might I observe, is not what determines sacramentality in marriage.

 Everybody is confused about annulments unless you have to get familiar with them. This is why I would urge you to go talk to a priest or deacon you trust and are on the same page with. Annulment does not "end a marriage." It declares that a valid, sacramental marriage never existed. An annulment is an ecclesiastical proceeding. It has nothing to do with legality of the marriage.

 Not everything is biblical. Annulment is a church proceeding; just because it does not appear in the Bible does not invalidate it. Full immersion baptism, which is also not mentioned in the Bible, is a church practice also. Hydrogen bombs are not mentioned in the Bible. Does this me we should not oppose them? The Bible was written thousands of years ago. Its writers could not have possibly covered every human situation since them in detail.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: HI again,

It's been a few days and I just wanted to follow up; I have been perseverating on your comments regarding the Catholic Church not considering me living in a state of sin being remarried without an annulment. During this time I have visited several Catholic websites: http://forums.catholic.com/index.php and http://www.ewtn.com/. Repeatedly I can read how my state is indeed considered living in sin by the Catholic Church.  I have also been on annulment websites that say the same thing.  Alas, your position that I am not living in sin seems to be in the minority. I am grateful for your feedback as it has been very helpful in pointing me in various directions in my journey of seeking information.

Answer
Alice,

I'm sorry if I have misled you. Indeed, mine may be a minority opinion, but I am not about to change it, nor, if you came to me for counseling on this, would I for a second tell you that you were living in sin. I do not presume to tell you what God's opinion of your actions is. And I think it's absurd to burden people, like you've apparently been burdened, by adjudging them public sinners. What this approach to people and the complexities of their lives has to do with Jesus is anybody's guess. I am first and foremost a follower of Jesus. He is the one I try to emulate when I deal with people. As you say, alas, that is typically not the approach taken by the church.

This kind of judgmental approach to people you describe is characteristic of pre-Vatican II Catholicism, and I assure you, that is the only kind you're going to find on Catholic websites and those about annulment, too. Progressive Catholicism, which is essentially a practice of the faith in light of Vatican II principles, is an almost endangered species, and progressive people in the clergy . . . well, we're rare birds, too.

Here's what I think: it sounds to me like you're dealing with a burden of guilt and grief over the past and that you're missing the church. Somewhere mixed up in there is a strongly evangelical or sola Scriptura approach to annulments that prevents you from accepting the annulment process as something you can do. That being the case, I don't think you're going to find any peace with this. Either you accept the fact that you will not be allowed to return to full communion with the Church without an annulment, or you must accept whatever results for you emotionally from deciding otherwise. As I stated before, the annulment process determines whether a given marriage was valid in a sacramental way. That is its only concern. If you want to let your concerns about what "valid" means prevent you from exploring annulment, that, too, is your choice.

I wish I could have been of more comfort to you.