Expert: Charlie B - 7/27/2009

Question
Dear Charlie
Pope John Paul in The Theology of the Body
stated that a man can commit adultery "in his heart" even with his own wife if he treats her only as an object to satisfy concupiscence (cf. General Audience 10/8/80). Suppose a man seeing his wife coming out of the bathroom after a bath in a nude position, the husband suddenly gets sexually aroused as a direct response or a spontaneous reaction of seeing a beautiful female nude body rather than the love towards his wife eventhough he loves her very much. so is it not lust? If lusting after your neighbor's wife objectifies her and rejects the truth that she is created in the image of God, how is lusting after your own wife anything less?  Jaks

Answer
Jaks,
Thanks for your question.  Truly, I'm not qualified to answer this question.  I almost rejected the question for "outside my area of expertise" but that's not fair to you.

Number one, kudos and congratulations on reading Pope John Paul's "Theology of the Body" as it is one of the greatest treasures of insights, explanation and truths to be found today.  An author by the name of Christopher West, in my opinion, takes Pope John Paul's comprehensive work and helps to translate to today.  In fact, there's a page or two devoted to just your question.

My own opinion:  your scenario starts with seeing your spouse nude.  You know there are degrees of sinfulness (mortal, venial, etc) and God in Heaven is not going to prolong your time in Purgatory, in my opinion, because you felt lustful thoughts to your wife.... because it's largely due to how your thoughts are manifested into action, behavior and intent.

If you treat your wife as a result of your lustful thoughts as merely an object for your lust and sex, that violates the intent of the Convenant of marriage and is sinful... plus, your spouse can sense this and it won't build your marriage over time.  For myself, praying before my spouse and I make love seems to be an effective antidote towards this tendency.  

Go to Amazon.com and get Christopher West book on the Theology of the Body, and read it.  It'll assist you in this tough question.  Hope that helps you --
God bless,
Charlie