Expert: Charlie B - 8/1/2009

Question
         Im writing this in earnest, at a time of great personal doubt. I am hoping you are able to bring me faith. Reading this, it may seem as though I am trying to disillusion my reader- i can assure you, the opposite is true. It is merely a description of my personal belief struggle. I am aware it is not the shortest, i thank you for you patience
Lately, I found myself slowly becoming an atheist and a skeptic in the unproven paranormal that is God.(please note that what I am about to say is not meant to be offensive or condescending. On the contrary, I hope you can address my concerns with clarity and logical thinking.) I started thinking about God, and why we believe in him. I’ve had such thoughts as “why would God let thousands of years of Egyptians and Sumerians live without his knowledge? Why does he make it so hard to believe, meaning, why doesn’t he make it very obvious at all? Why create a world at all, why not simply create an infinite amount of souls already in heaven? Why would a good God even create the possibility of hell…why not make it obsolete?  I started thinking about faith, and what it really means. I started seeing faith as simply regional education….Americans are taught about Jesus, Muslims are taught about Muhammad, Indians about Shiva. It seems we just believe what we are taught, with very little reason. Bible stories can be the same made up stories as the greeks, and other religions. It seems like Christianity is almost too new to have a credible God…wouldn’t that God be around since the beginning?
I also started seeing paradoxes. If a married couple die, and one goes to hell, can that spouse in heaven truly be happy? And if they are kept in the dark, wouldn’t that be lying, which  perfect God can’t do. I started seeing humans as little more then evolved monkeys; so do they have souls? If you are self aware, can you ever suddenly be completely unaware? I find it hard to believe in a god given “soul” that exists in us from the moment of creation. Did these “souls” exist before? If they did, they how can it be explained that we only start to exist at conception from our parents, and we are only who we are because of our parents. As in, if my father had married somebody else and had a child, their brain structures would not be the same…so the “me” couldn’t exist, so my consciousness couldn’t exist, so my soul can’t truly “exist.” I keep feeling that our consciousness is nothing more than brain interaction, and what death will be like for me will be the same as what the year 1756 will be like. I simply don’t exist, I’ll never no I was alive, they is no “me.” Now of course in this super skeptic mode that I’m in, I of course started trying to my hardest to believe in all the worst. I read arguments that near death experience are simply caused by chemical releases( kerotine,endorphins) I read that ghosts may be just disturbances in light or the magnetic field, or just imagined, etc. I really did, and do, find myself in a sort of panic, thinking that when I die, it wont even be all black….it will be nothing, a nothing I wont even realize, because there will be no I.
So am I atheist? No. Actually, I’m not QUITE there yet. For I started thinking about God a little differently. Why does “God” have to be a specific being? Why does he or she or it have to have a certain name? I started looking at the big bang. Why did it happen? No scientist has any idea. What came before? Again, no idea. How can existence always be and always was? Religion can attempt to explain, science can experiment all they like, but in truth, no one comes close to comprehension. Our earth found a one in a billion chance of being in a certain place…or was it a guarantee that somewhere would find the certain place, and we’re just the result? Maybe the universe has an intelligent guide, like a fabric of subconsciousness that runs through and binds all. Maybe Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc, are human manifestation of that consciousness, But why? They are so many things in the universe that truly are unexplainable……the women in france who suddenly ,in her sleep, wrote and entire letter in polish about a dead person, with accurate historical facts. Does the physical, scientific energy live on? The protons, neutrons ,etc live on? ( There is a law in science called the “conservation of energy” which sates energy cannot be created or destroyed.)


So I'm not exactly sure where I stand. I know God is possible, even under the most scientific grounded rules. Yet I still cannot bring myself to believe in our god. Addressing the above statements? how can i truly believe?
                       many thanks once more,
                                   tom carney


Answer
Tom,
Thanks for your questions.  The fact that you are inquisitive says that you're trying to learn the Truth, and come to know what faith is and is not.  Congrats!

Tom, I'm an Engineer by education, so I understand some of your searching and attempts to reconcile a topsy-turvy world with both scientific reasoning and reconciled with Faith.  I certainly was doing this questioning in my early-20's, but I've come to find that you have to be open to the Lord, with at least a sliver of belief, which it sounds like you possess.

A story might illustrate my points best:
About 20 years ago, my wife was part of a Charismatic movement in the Catholic Church, and they had a prayer group of women who met weekly.  One of these women, Connie, always held back (worked for IBM, engineer by education) because of some of the same questions that you're asking here, never seemed to be reconciled.  Her head ruled her heart.  One night, a Catholic priest laid hands on her, and all were saying prayers over her when suddenly, she started screaming -- the type that sometimes sounds like ecstasy/incredible pleasure and  sometimes like terror/fright/loss of control -- that went on for 7-10 minutes.  It was unreal.  

Later, Connie told us that she felt the Holy Spirit taking her in his arms with love, and her questions disappeared, her faith was deeper, solid and unquestionable.  She quit fighting with herself with rationalizations, attempts to explain everything in logical or scientific terms, and "allowed" God to speak to her, with her and through her.  Faith is a gift, but like the Bible story of the seed that falls on rock, you have to give it the opportunity to take root in your soul, body and mind.  Start by going to Mass this week.

First, faith is a GIFT.  It's a grace.  And it's a mystery.

Thus, why bring "scientific grounded rules" to bear on any decision about faith?  When I was 21-25 years old, like you, I asked a lot of questions, too.  The fact that you're asking is a good thing, in and by itself.  By the way, life is a paradox.  Paradox does not necessarily mean a contradiction or a firm rule (in your mind) doesn't have its exceptions, or is easily comprehensible.

Do you believe there's a grand design upon the universe?  (there is!)  Let's take some of your questions:
"why would God let thousands of years of Egyptians and Sumerians die without his knowledge? "
Answer: for the similar reason of why he "let" his Son die on the Cross.  :-)  If you understand that fact and embrace what that REALLY means, then you'll begin to not question why God "lets" attrocities, catastrophes, and calamities happen in the world.  Man has free will ... and free will to choose to live life a certain way, and free to either 'react' or 'respond' to his call.

"Why does he make it so hard to believe, meaning, why doesn’t he make it very obvious at all?  Why would a good God even create the possibility of hell… why not make it obsolete? "  
Answer:  Faith is a mystery, so it's not obvious to all.  
If there's a Heaven, then there has to be a Hell.  The fear of God's justice, the fear of Hell is unfortunately for some people the only motivator to "do right" by the 10 Commandments, and other biblically provided ways of living life, treating others and treating yourself.  Plus, for all the unrependent murderers, thiefs, rapist, etc in the world, they need a final destination for their souls... because they earn Hell, just like people earn Heaven.

"As in, if my father had married somebody else and had a child, their brain structures would not be the same…so the “me” couldn’t exist, so my consciousness couldn’t exist, so my soul can’t truly “exist.”  
Answer: But you do exist, and God knew you before you were concieved.  Think about that.  Your reality could have been no other.  Some questions have no answers, so don't waste time and energy on some of them..because faith is a gift, a grace and a mystery.  Why have so many of the Catholic Saint's bodies remained incorrupt for centuries?  Yes, how did this French woman that you mentioned do what she did? .... faith is a mystery, but one for which you can grow, come to know and love.  Start by going to Mass this week!

My last recommendation is that I know a lot of people in your questioning situation who found a LOT of answers at this website:  http://www.lighthousecatholicmedia.com/store/refer/1528   by listening to their low-cost ($3) inspiring Catholic audio CDs and MP3 downloads.  Keep asking questions ...

God bless,
Charlie