Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 9/16/2009

Question
I am Catholic and my fiancee is a baptized Christian (Anglican). We work in different parts of the world and are set to get married. When she (and some of my family members) approached my parish priest to make the necessary church arrangements and have the date and time booked, he informed them of the permission to be granted before our wedding could take place. This permission/dispensation would be required to enable us get married in the Catholic Church without my fiancée having to convert. The challenge I have is that I am not able to travel back to have the permission/dispensation forms filled and processed. My parish priest also noted that the option of using technology as video conferencing was not possible. Please advise on what can be done given the circumstances as I only have over three months to the proposed wedding date. My parish priest highlighted that I needed to be physically present (with witnesses) to sign the forms and this should be done at least 3 months before the wedding date as the forms have to be sent to my Bishop as well. I would be grateful if there can be a solution that does not involve rushed conversion of my fiancée or my travelling back to my parish town (which would require me to leave my job overseas with high cost implications). Please advise.

Answer
Hi, Andre:
Thanks for the question.
You will need to work with the Priest who is dealing with this matter, as I am certain that he knows what must be undertaken for a lawful wedding.  I suppose your family could try some other Priest within the locale to see whether he knows of any other alternatives.  I think that the main problem here seems to be that you waited so long to start the process of getting married by the Authority of the Catholic Church.  You did not indicate how long you have been dating or engaged; you also have not indicated whether or not you are really a serious practicing Catholic.  If it's all worth doing, then it's worth doing right: not just a wedding ceremony, but the life-long practice of the Catholic Faith.  My own pastoral experience has taught me that it is not uncommon for people to make so many demands that they can never really be satisfied, because in reality the full and integral practice of the Catholic Faith is not really a central value in their lives.  The only thing that can help such a situation is a deep interior conversion, and a placing of values in proper order and perspective in life.
I certainly wish you well in all of your undertakings.  Perhaps you could even look at the possibility of arranging a somewhat later date for the wedding ceremony.
Do you remember the story of "Jacob & Esau" from the Book of Genesis; well, it is more than just a cute story about two brothers' sibling rivalry... it teaches us a very important lesson about how we value the blessings of God.
Esau was willing to give up the Blessing for a bowl of stew; he had been busy with his own life, out hunting and gathering, and presented himself to his brother Jacob, all tired, worn, and hungry.  He chose to gratify his own personal, short-term needs at the cost of forfeiting the Blessing.  For a Catholic, this would be like being more interested in a particular wedding date than doing what is necessary to live an integrated faithful life as a Catholic.  I wish you well, and may God bless and guide you.

Fr. Timothy Johnson