Catholics/Sexual Morality

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Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 9/6/2009


Question
Dear Fr. Johnson,

I am very interested in the Catholic faith, and am currently searching for a church community. I have recently given my life to Christ. My question is of a very personal nature.

I have been researching the teachings of the Church regarding sexuality. I have a special circumstance. I have a condition known as vaginismus. This means that vaginal sex is very painful for me, and sometimes impossible. I am undergoing treatment for this, but it will be a while before I can have painless vaginal sex (with my husband). My question is: is it considered a sin to have oral sex or mutual masturbation with my husband, since vaginal sex is impossible at this point? What would be acceptable? I find that, if we do not come together in some way other than vaginal sex during the time of my treatment, we grow apart. I want to feel unified with my husband. Thank you so much for your time.

Answer
Hi, Lisa:
Thanks for the question...
I remember from my Seminary days that this sort of situation was presented in the moral theology classes; in fact, the matter is discussed to some degree in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.  At this point, you would need to come together at an emotional level apart from any kind of masturbation or oral sex.  The teaching is that only vaginal sex between a man and a woman is an apporopriate expression of the intimate union of marriage.
Of course I am sorry to hear of your difficulties and health problems, and I hope that you will be able to get better some day; I suppose that the remembering of the vows taken at the wedding was that you are together as man and wife "in sickness, and in health, etc." will be perhaps right now your greatest blessing and challenge in the Lord.  While sex is important, it is not of ABSOLUTE value in any relationship.
I would recommend that you perhaps research some practical tips on this matter from those devoted lay people in the Church living their vocation of marriage as to how they have dealt with such things in their own personal cases, or their information of what they found in helping others with such situations.
+ God bless you!

Fr. Timothy Johnson

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Fr. Timothy Johnson

Expertise

A Traditional Catholic Priest, validly and licitly ordained, incardinated legally and canonically in the Diocese of Fargo, and in good-standing with my Local Ordinary (Bishop) on active assignment at a rural Tri-Parish. I can provide honest and balanced answers to questions on topics pertaining to Traditional Roman Catholicism of the Latin Church (Councils of Trent and Vatican II)and a lot about the Eastern Catholic Churches, including the Sacred Liturgy, Sacred Scripture, Church History, the use of the Latin language, the tradition of Sacred Music, and current events in the Catholic Church from a traditional, historical and balanced perspective.

Experience

I have been ordained a Roman Catholic Priest since June 2001.

Organizations
Knights of Columbus; Church Music Association of America (CMAA)

Education/Credentials
Ordained Priest, 02 JUN 2001; Ordained Deacon, 27 JAN 2001; MA - Dogmatic/Systematic Theology; MDiv - Professional Degree from Seminary; 2-Years formation with Canons Regular of Premontre including studies and experience in Sacred Liturgy, Chant, Latin, Sacraments, Spirituality. BA - Scholastic/Thomistic Philosophy; BA - Liberal Arts; AA - General Studies.

Past/Present Clients
I serve 3-small, rural Parish Communities in Easter North Dakota
I converted to the Roman Catholic Church in 1981, at the age of 15. Over the years I have done work as an organist, cantor, and choir director for the Latin Rite (English & Latin) Mass (Liturgy of the Eucharist), and even for the Hours of the Divine Office. I have worked as a cantor for a Melkite Byzantine Catholic Church. Presently my pastoral and administrative duties as a Catholic Priest do not allow me as much time as I used to have to devote to Sacred Music; but for my weekend Masses and Solemnities within my Tri-Parish, I offer High Sung Mass in English. Weekday Mass is typically Low Mass (recited Mass) in English, though on occasion I will offer the "Tridentine Mass" in Latin, which I usually offer on my "Day Off", as well. And now, in light of the "Motu Proprio" by his Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI placing the extraordinary usage of the Roman Rite back into the mainstream of the Catholic Church, I have been offering a regularly scheduled SUN, 2:00 PM Tridentine Latin Mass with a community of the faithful that has a stable existence.

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