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Father,
I have just discovered that my husband has been lying to me about our financial matters, again. We have had repeated problems over the course of our marriage regarding finances and his lying. Five years ago he attempted suicide after an argument about finances. He also lost his job the same day because he was lying there and embezzling. We sought counseling and needless to say, nearing five years since that all occurred, here we are again. We have had several arguments in the mean time, all regarding finances and how to deal with them, like just paying the bills on time. Needless to say I am incredibly angry again and am wondering what to do next. What does the Catholic Church say about lying within a marriage? What about when it keeps occurring? I took my marriage vows very seriously and have been trying to live a forgiving marriage, but I am not sure I can keep doing this. How can it be a marriage if there is not trust and honesty? Will you please advise? We have four sons, ages 1 to 11, and I work very part time. I am taking a class to get a better job, but it would be hard for me to support four kids on the proposed $25,000 entry salary, alone. Yes, I guess I am saying I am considering divorce at this point. I find it hard to believe that this is the path the Lord wants me to take, but I don't know why He would want me to continue to try to live with a liar, when I never know what to believe, and always second guessing what is going on . Thank you.
Hi, Mary:
Thanks for the question.
I am very sorry about your current trials and difficulties you describe. Of course lying is a sin, as we all know; and perhaps there is the possibility that with a deep-rooted habit of serious lying, one may not have the full capacity to make a valid marriage vow and commitment.
I am not competent to judge the details of this case, and in the event that one should try to pursue a Decree of Nullity (Anullment), one would have to present such evidence to be weighed in the deliberations and proceedings of such a case.
Based upon the description, I have no way of knowing whether divorce would be an expedient option or even a long-term good to make things better. I do know that a Tribunal cannot touch a case until there has actually been a civil divorce; though I am not recommending it offhand. I pray that the two of you will be able to find help and healing. Living the Catholic Faith means truly striving to live it out with conversion and repentance on all sides. Again, I am very sorry about your difficult circumstances.
Fr. Timothy Johnson
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Fr. Timothy Johnson
Expertise
A Traditional Catholic Priest, validly and licitly ordained, incardinated legally and canonically in the Diocese of Fargo, and in good-standing with my Local Ordinary (Bishop) on active assignment at a rural Tri-Parish. I can provide honest and balanced answers to questions on topics pertaining to Traditional Roman Catholicism of the Latin Church (Councils of Trent and Vatican II)and a lot about the Eastern Catholic Churches, including the Sacred Liturgy, Sacred Scripture, Church History, the use of the Latin language, the tradition of Sacred Music, and current events in the Catholic Church from a traditional, historical and balanced perspective.
Experience
I have been ordained a Roman Catholic Priest since June 2001.
Organizations
Knights of Columbus; Church Music Association of America (CMAA)
Education/Credentials
Ordained Priest, 02 JUN 2001; Ordained Deacon, 27 JAN 2001; MA - Dogmatic/Systematic Theology;
MDiv - Professional Degree from Seminary;
2-Years formation with Canons Regular of Premontre including studies and experience in Sacred Liturgy, Chant, Latin, Sacraments, Spirituality.
BA - Scholastic/Thomistic Philosophy;
BA - Liberal Arts;
AA - General Studies.
Past/Present Clients
I serve 3-small, rural Parish Communities in Easter North Dakota
I converted to the Roman Catholic Church in 1981, at the age of 15.
Over the years I have done work as an organist, cantor, and choir director for the Latin Rite (English & Latin) Mass (Liturgy of the Eucharist), and even for the Hours of the Divine Office.
I have worked as a cantor for a Melkite Byzantine Catholic Church.
Presently my pastoral and administrative duties as a Catholic Priest do not allow me as much time as I used to have to devote to Sacred Music; but for my weekend Masses and Solemnities within my Tri-Parish, I offer High Sung Mass in English. Weekday Mass is typically Low Mass (recited Mass) in English, though on occasion I will offer the "Tridentine Mass" in Latin, which I usually offer on my "Day Off", as well. And now, in light of the "Motu Proprio" by his Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI placing the extraordinary usage of the Roman Rite back into the mainstream of the Catholic Church, I have been offering a regularly scheduled SUN, 2:00 PM Tridentine Latin Mass with a community of the faithful that has a stable existence.
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