Expert: Edward Bode - 12/20/2010

Question
If you pray to God instead of Jesus when you are completely lost, (I was involved in drugs, prostitution, a life of complete sin including abortions and leaving love for lust, not really understanding that it was lust, not love, or what sin was or even believing in satan, just confused) and you were too sick to even know how to repent, what to repent for, how your life got so lost and out of control, can you be instead of being saved be judged by God and condemned to live out your days in hell before even passing from this world?  Can God deny salvation to the most wicked because of the extent of disease or evil a person was or how many sins were committed? Or is it a rejection of Christ to be in that situation in the first place?  I was desperate so I wrote God a letter for help and all I have had since then is spiritual attack and voices and all kinda of visions, etc...not sure if God has the sovernigty to deny or if I've already had my chance to ask for salvation and I rejected it.  I know a lot of questions but whatever you can answer, I would be grateful for.  Thank you and sorry for all the confession of such a horrible life.  I don't feel like an evil person, but my life got so out of control and I didn't really have God or Jesus in my life.

Answer
Lisa, that you are praying is a worthy step toward attaining forgiveness of sins.  
The "hell" felt in this life can lead us to avoid the true hell after death of an eternity without God.  You can avoid both hells through your repentance and God's forgiveness.
Neat that your concerns surface at this time:  The celebration of Jesus' birth at Christmas recalls the purpose of His life -- to bring salvation to all.  His death and resurrection bring  the possibility and the help [grace] needed to obtain forgiveness no matter how much we have messed up our lives.
While there is life, there is hope. God does not deny salvation while we live. He wants us to attain salvation.  Jesus' parables of the Lost Sheep [Luke 15:3-7] and the Prodigal Son [Luke 15:11-32]illustrate this important message.
The way of sorrow, repentance, and forgiveness are attainable through the loving help of Jesus.  No sin is beyond forgiveness.
As Catholics, we have the Sacrament of Penance [Confession, Reconciliation].  When properly received, the Sacrament brings the peaceful assurance of divine forgiveness.
Continue to pray for the strength to seek peace and reconciliation with God through the Sacrament of Penance.  
Parishes offer opportunities for receiving the Sacrament.  If you would be more comfortable with a private confession-conference, you could arrange that with a priest who does not know you.
If you would like further thoughts from me, please feel free to write again.
I was planning to visit my parish church this afternoon; I'll remember you in my prayers.
May you find a blessed Christmas filled with the special peace that comes from repentance and forgiveness.