Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 2/21/2010

Question
QUESTION: I keep hearing conflicting information and I need help.
I was married for 33 years. We were both non Catholics and were not married in a church. For the last 12 years of our marriage my ex wife slept in a separate room and we did not have sexual relations (Does inability or refusal to have sex count as a valid reason). Finally I had enough even though I did not believe in divorce and left her and got a divorce.

Since then I have met a Catholic woman who is a widow with a 5 and a 7 year child. We are going to be married, but my understanding is that we cannot be married in the Catholic church without me getting a annulment which I understand takes a long time. There is no way I could get witnesses to testify that my ex wife did not sleep in the same room as I do not want to involve my 15 year old son. What are my chances of getting an annulment?  If I could get a notarized statement from my ex wife attesting to this would it help?

We plan to get married at a JP and then later get married in the Catholic Church after an annulment if possible. I have been attending classes to become a Catholic. I should add that I am a lifelong Christian and the only time my ex wife went to Church is when I made her.

What advice can you give me?

ANSWER: Hi, Ricky:
Thanks for the question.
Was your ex-wife a baptized person?  If not, you might be able to look into "Petrine Privelege" to have the non-sacramental marriage dissolved "in favor of the Faith."
My advice to you is that you work with the Priest and parish community in your area with this situation, and they should be able to help you get things presented to the Diocesan Marriage Tribunal.  The fact that you did not have sexual relations for the last 12-years of your marriage has no bearing in itself upon anullment, as the marriage had been consummated through sexual intercourse some time during the first 21-years of the marriage.  If this is going to be a "Formal Case" anullment proceeding, then you will need to work with your advocate on establishing any grounds for an anullment that may apply.
I wish you the very best - stay in the struggle, and do not give up.

Fr. Timothy Johnson

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: My wife was baptized 2 years before our divorce. This was done because it was a requirement that my wife be baptized at the place I worked. I had been baptized before we were married. So the 12 years of misery I had is not enough for a divorce. That is not fair that I am expected to endure that. It may be easier to marry outside the Church as I am already 56.

Answer
Hi, Ricky:

An anullment is not a divorce.  It is a declaration to determine forensically whether or not there existed a truly sacramental marriage, or a true lawful marriage in accord with the positive natural law.  If there was a truly sacramental marriage, due to the fact that she was baptized, then it would, of course, be indissoluble; but from what you presented in your original question, perhaps there really are deep factors that never truly allowed for a sacramental marriage.
Since I am not the Tribunal with authority in this matter, I did not make a judgment on the case.  I only encouraged you to take what seemed to be the most likely scenarios you might expect should you decide to follow up on the matter.  Additionally, I can only encourage you to take a look at what an anullment really is - it is not merely a "church divorce" or something like that, as you seem to think.  The matter has les to do with formalities of the type or kind of "ceremony" you undergoe, as the underlying reality of whether a marriage is truly a sacrament or not.  If God joined in the Sacrament of Matrimony, no human power can divide.  Look closer at the process - it probably is not so difficult as you think.  Don't get easily discouraged, or dismiss the fundamental consideration of marriage as a Sacrament.

Fr. Timothy Johnson