Expert: Fr. Michael - 3/19/2010

Question
Fr. Michael, Is it permissable for a practicing catholic to attend the wedding of a baptized, but fallen away catholic, to a protestant woman? Also, is the answer the same for Traditional Catholics?
If not, what doctrine or canon law specifically prohibits this?
This question is tearing at my family.
Thank you for your time! Robert

Answer
       There are several common cases concerning attendance by Catholics at
non-Catholic marriages.  In one case, both parties are non-Catholic in a
first marriage, and one can look to the following principle from Canon 1258:  
"It is not lawful for the faithful in any way to assist actively or to take
part in the religious services of non-Catholics.  Passive or merely material
presence can be tolerated of a civic official or on account of respect ... at
funerals, marriages, and similar functions of non-Catholics, as long as there
be absent the danger of perversity or scandal."

       To participate actively in these ceremonies is to be guilty of
communicatio in sacris, which is a violation of the First Commandment.  Given
the Protestantized nature of the New Order, the same principles can
reasonably be followed when attending a Novus Ordo service.

       But what does "passive or material presence" mean in practice?  
Pastoral guidelines have been given, indicating that standing or sitting at
these ceremonies is allowable and is not to be considered as "active"
participation.  Beyond that, the following guidelines accord with the spirit
of the canon:

1) Sit and stand with the congregation, but do not kneel when it does (sit
instead).
2) Pray to yourself during the sermon rather than be influenced by the words
of the one who is speaking.
3) Do not use "holy water" at the entrance.
4) Do not genuflect, even if you can see the "tabernacle."
5) Do not repeat any prayers that are said.
6) Do not shake hands at the Pax before the Agnus Dei.
7) Do not make the sign of the cross when the congregation does this.

       A second case involves the attempted remarriage of a divorced person.  
Apart from the most unusual circumstances, a Catholic would not be permitted
to be present at such an attempted marriage, nor, a fortiori, to act as
bridesmaid, best man, etc., knowing full well that such a union is invalid in
the sight of God.  Such attendance would ordinarily be gravely scandalous
(Fr. Francis J. O'Connell).

       A third case arises when one or both parties are Catholic and are
marrying outside the Church.  Assistance at a mixed marriage in a Protestant
church would not be tolerated, since this would be cooperation in violating a
serious church law, as well as a divine positive law of danger to the
Catholic party's faith, that forbids mixed marriages without dispensation,
and such a marriage would be invalid (Davis).

       In effect, the attendees would be witnessing the excommunication of
the Catholic party or parties, as any Catholic who marries before a
Protestant minister or Justice of the Peace is traditionally held by that act
to be excommunicated.  One would, therefore, not wish to be present at such
an "excommunication ceremony"  because of its perversity and scandal.

       "It is certain the Catholics may not be present at such marriages
when their presence contains, manifests or implies an approval of the
marriage.  It seems that, barring other dangers and a sinful intention,
friends and distant relatives may be present for a more grave reason in
proportion to the greater danger of scandal.  Near relatives and especially
parents, brothers and sisters, however, would seldom have a reason justifying
their presence, because of the grave scandal necessarily connected with it,
because of their obligation to admonish the one who is sinning, and in some
cases, because of contempt for the regulations of the Church."  (Bancroft)

       Naturally, one needs to explain to the involved parties the reason
for one's non-attendance in as reasonable and sincere a way as possible.  
Aren't we all supposed to be so "understanding" these days?  Well, the people
involved will have to understand that your religion is important to you and
that although you cannot attend the religious ceremony, you will continue to
pray for the parties' conversion and will do your best to keep family peace,
without implying approval of the action.  In some cases, for peace in the
family, one might attend the subsequent reception party, which is more of a
social event than a religious one, but even that could cause scandal.