Expert: Fr. Michael - 3/17/2010

Question
Fr. Michael,

Currently I am dating this woman, my ex-fiancée to be more exact, and we would like to eventually become married. I myself am a practicing and devout Catholic while she is a member of Lakewood.  Both of us are baptized and I am also Confirmed. What are the rules and guidelines the Catholic Church has before we could enter into Holy Matrimony.  And what is and is not negotiable? This came up in the past and I just want to be positive of the answers.
Also we have talked about having children and she wants me to get a vasectomy after 3.  How do you feel I should resolve this conflict?

Answer
Mixed marriages are strongly discouraged by the Church.  Even if the conflicts do not appear at the beginning, they invariably do later.  Already you have a good indication of serious problems in the future when she is trying to impose upon you an operation that is contrary to nature.  You already ended your relationship with her once before.  It appears that perhaps you should have left it at that.  You are getting indications of serious problems here that you will ignore at your peril.

Normally, a Catholic cannot marry someone of an heretical faith.  Occasionally, for just and grave causes, a dispensation may be granted for a mixed marriage, but the non-Catholic party must promise to raise any children in the Catholic Faith and not interefere with the Catholic spouse's practice of the Faith.  It seems that already the second promise would be violated.

The "dating" period should be used to assess the character and beliefs of the other person.  Many times there are clear signs that the person is unsuitable for a Catholic marriage, but the Catholic party ignores them -- to his latter regret.

You would be well advised to get counsel from a traditional priest before you make a serious mistake.  For a geographical list, see www.traditio.com/nat.htm.