Expert: Charlie B - 1/29/2011

Question
I am engaged to a practicing Catholic.  I was baptized myself and am in the midst of becoming confirmed.  My fiancee is intent on having a Catholic wedding and I am doing my best to fulfill the many steps to meet the requirements of the Church.  In college, I fathered a son.  The mother married another man a couple of years later and he adopted him.  I've only had passing involvement (based primarily on the request of the mother and father) with the boy, who is now 20.

In reviewing the "freedom to marry" affidavit, there are questions asked about prior children and prior marriages.  I was not married to the mother but am concerned that my prior child may impact on my freedom to marry.

I am hopeful that this will not impact on my ability to be married in the Catholic church and welcome your feedback on my situation.

Answer
Ed,
Thanks for your question.  First, I congratulate you on asking here because it's obvious you want to be truthful.  This type of ethics and true transperancy is rare and I admire it.

Truly, I don't think that you're listing the child out of wedlock on the affidavit will affect the decision for you to be able to marry in the Church.  Why?

Although this is not the best analogy, when you apply for a US Government Security Clearance, they tell you to "share everything."  The reason is that at some point, you may be interviewed or held accountable for your 'affidavit' statement, and you don't want to have to explain a missing fact.   

I also pray and trust that Bishops and Priests today know that many of us, including myself in a similar situation from my younger days, made mistakes for which we regret and you will receive forgiveness and reconcilation ... and thus, they have mercy on their minds in these decisions.  

However, if you want me to gain an official answer from my local diocesan source, I can make the inquiry.  Another resource for you is a recording (mp3) download, The Catholic Teaching on Marriage and Annulments by Bishop Joseph Perry available at http://www.lighthousecatholicmedia.com/store/refer/1528 and Click on Online Store, search by speaker.  It's three dollars, less than a Starbucks Grande coffee.  :-)

You have nothing to lose by speaking to your local priest, either as he'll be welcoming you into Confession upon your Confirmation.  It takes courage and guts for some men to go to Confession, and the sooner you have courage, the greater your spiritual growth shall be.

Let me know if you'd like a more official answer and I'll inquire for you.  If you're like me, I married way over my head, anyway.
God bless,
Charlie

PS -- feedback evals are welcomed.