Expert: Father Dave Bechtel - 12/22/2011

Question
Dear Father,

I am a Catholic married to a non-Catholic man (Protestant). We got married  in a non-denominational chapel, and our marriage has lasted for 9 years. I was 18 when I got married, my husband was older.  We have no children, and I have been using birth control pills. For about 8 years I was not a practicing Catholic - I said prayers privately but was not attending church. But about a year ago God rescued me from death (I was desperately unhappy with my life and marriage, was self-cutting and pondering suicide). Every since I have been attending mass regularly, and God has changed my life for the better. But I am still unhappy in my marriage. Whatever love I had for my husband is gone, and much as I try, I cannot revive it. I am feeling trapped and desperate, and don't think I will ever find happiness in this marriage or that my husband and I will be good parents. I don't know what to do. Is it right to seek separation or divorce? Or should I stay in this marriage, even though I am not and will never be happy in it? The only thing that holds my marriage together is my religious convictions, but without love or respect it is a fraud before the eyes of God and people.

Answer
Catherine,

I appreciate your question and the difficult situation you find yourself in.  Nevertheless for something this sensitive I do not think it is appropriate to deal with this over a website. This is something that requires something more personal.

Therefore the best advice I can offer is that you make an appointment with your parish priest and speak with him about these issues. I would also hope that your husband is aware that there are problems in your marriage. In other words I would hope this would not appear to be coming out of the blue for him.