Expert: Donald Higby - 12/20/2011

Question
QUESTION: Hello Father,

I am married with a wonderful son. I am separated from my husband since 2008 because he was hurting me and he chose to be with another woman. I tried to fight for our marriage during those times and I even talked to the other woman just to bring him back but he insisted to stay with his other woman. I forgive them already and I am so thankful to both of them for giving me a great life now.

Early January 2010, I filed for an annulment case to set as free and to formally put an end to our marriage. Right now, i am still waiting for the result of my annulment case.

Unexpectedly, I met a man who's younger than me in the middle of my annulment case. I didn't expect to fell in love with him. He accepts me, my past and my son, He is truly a great guy who loves me unconditionally. Recently, he tried to talked to his parents about our relationship because he wants to introduce me to his family. But he received a lot of negative reactions and hurtful comments. I was totally hurt that his parents asked him to resign in his job and told him that he will go to hell for entering into a relationship with me. His parents are a practicing catholic, they are a member of a catholic institution and when it comes to bible teachings I think they know well.

I know I had a bad past, a failed marriage and i am now a single mom. But I don't regret anything from what happened to me because they are all given to me with a good purpose. I didn't expect that I will be totally hurt right now because they cannot accept me and tend to judge me as a bad person and a sinner. His parents saw me as unworthy. I feel so bad because I was hoping somehow that his parents will understand because they are the person who are so actively participating on getting closer to God. Despite of everything, I still respect them and currently holding on. We still decided to keep our relationship even they are against us.

Right now, I am asking myself if in catholic teachings, Do we need to stop our relationship or continue to hold on? And as a woman with a failed marriage, Do i still have the right to get married again and to have my own family someday?

I believe in God because He was there during those times when I feel that it is end of the world because of my failed marriage. God was there and heal my heart unexpectedly. I have Faith in Him that everything will be okay in time, I'm just so sad right now and needed a guide to make me feel better.

Hoping for your response. Thank you.

ANSWER: First of all, you are not a bad person, and for his parents to treat you that way is certainly not Christian.  But second, if you really want to do what the Church teaches, you should not take your relationship further until you have that annulment.  The Church teaches that marriage is till death, and if you don't have an annulment, the Church considers you as married to your first husband.  But once you have the annulment, there is nothing wrong with having a relationship with another partner.  Hope this helps.  

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QUESTION: Thank you so much... I forgot to mention that i was married thru civil wedding (by state).

Answer
If you were married in a civil ceremony and did not get permission for this from your bishop; and if you were a Catholic at that time, the church does not recognize your previous marriage.  All you need to marry again in the church (or anywhere else) is to be civilly divorced from your first husband.