Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 2/22/2011

Question
This summer I went to my brothers wedding, which was not in the Catholic Church.  He had been away for about 7-8 years.  He left because of the poor example of people in my family who did not practice what they preach.  Which left him with a poor impression of the Church, and also he was never well instructed in the faith.  

I debated for a long time about whether or not to go.  Although in the back of my head I knew that I would probably go because I didn’t think I would have enough courage to deal with my family if I didn’t attend. Plus it wouldn’t really change there mind about anything it would just give them something to gossip about.  I read on Catholic Answers, that one is not expressly forbidden to attend an invalid wedding and that one had to use their judgment based on the situation.  I also heard on Catholic Answers Live that if one thinks that you are doing the best thing in that situation, you are not committing a sin.  I meant to ask a priest at church but I chickened out.  In the end I went, but I was not in the bridal party, even though I was asked, and I didn’t give a gift or a card of congratulations.  I let my brother know that I came because I didn’t want to ruin or relationship not because I thought what he was doing was right.  I told what the Church taught about his situation.  Lately he has shown a little bit of openness to coming back to the Church and I didn’t want to make him so mad he would never come back.

I did confess going to the wedding, not because I was sure I had done the wrong thing, but because I thought it was better safe than sorry.  At the time I didn’t confess that I had been debating about going for months, and that I had been pretty sure that I would end up going no matter what, because of my lack of courage.  I thought I was being too hard on myself, but now I feel I should have confessed it.  It has been bothering me.  Was I in sin in the time before my brothers wedding when I was struggling with what to do?   Is it a sin to know you are probably going to do the wrong thing because of your weakness?  Was it a sin to go to his wedding in the first place? Did I make a bad confession?

Answer
Hi, Mandy:
Thanks for the question.
It sounds to me as though you thought through matters very deeply and clearly, and your presence at the wedding was not intended as an outward affirmation of all that was wrong with the objective situation - rather, you wanted to preserve certain values, especially your relationship with your brother.  Hopefully you will continue to pray for your brother and do everything you can to help encourage him to come back to the practice of his Catholic Faith.  In the short run your brother failed to give a good example to your family for their aparent hypocrisy that consists in their not practicing what they preach; not striving to live up to their true Catholic calling and vocation in life.  I suppose that "better late than never" can be applied to his situation if he chooses to do the right thing later, namely, to get lawfully and sacramentally married in the Catholic Church.  Always be there for him and his wife to do the right thing, and assist them in any way you can in this regard.
It's a funny thing how on the one hand somebody like your brother can recognize hypocrisy, and yet instead of paving the way toward doing the right thing and being completely true to his Catholic Faith, turns around and does something publicly that is blatantly wrong.  What a missed opportunity - how sad; but thankfully the teachings of Jesus Christ given voice by His One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church always calls wayward children back to the love of God the Father through repentance and conversion.  The Lord Jesus Christ stands waiting and ready at the door - your brother need only knock that it may be opened to him.  As we grow in age and wisdom in the sight of God we have the opportunity to learn and experience that our ways are not God's ways; so we need to cast aside our own ways, and allow God's Grace to draw us back to God the Father through Jesus Who is "way, truth, and life."
If you ever get the feeling you ought to confess something, then don't hesitate to confess it; only then can you be certain you have done all you could do.  This allows each individual to dispell the dark and gloom of sin and ignorance, and to be carried along by God's Saving Grace in Jesus Christ into the paths of righteousness and the Light of Truth.  Blessings!

Fr. Timothy Johnson