Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 6/27/2011

Question
Hello Fr. Johnson,
  I am struggling with my younger brother who is 45 years old.  Whenever he gets stressed with financial problems, work (if he can get it), his wife and children, he goes on a "bender" and disappears for days.   
  After his last DUI or DWI - not sure- my elderly parents (88 and 94) have spent thousands of dollars on court fees, rehab, the breathalyzer apparatus that he had to breathe into so his car would start, etc.   He was looking good and seemed to be sober.  He just had a court/motor vechile date to allow removal of the thing from his car just in the last 2 weeks.   
  About this same time, his mother-in-law died in a state 1200 miles away.   My sister-in-law is the executor of the estate but one sister stole the legal papers and wiped out a bank account.   On the way to FL, my sister-in-law's car transmission blew.  My brother just had a new job so he had to stay at home.   Needless to say, much drama was going on, along with the $2800.00 bill to get the car fixed.   My brother was to fly to FL to help his wife drive back some u-haul with furniture... well, last Friday, my nephew took my brother to the airport but my brother never boarded the plane.  During times of stress my brother freaks out and goes on a drinking binge.   It is Monday and no one knows where he is.  I am sure he lost his job.  At this point, no one will want him to work for them since word get's around in his field.   
  The moral dilemma... his wife says now he can rot in jail.  I am afraid that he will have nowhere to live and he will end up with me - I know my husband would argue.  But, this is my brother.  Am I not his keeper?  I am scared though.  I want to report him missing but others say he will come on his own but his wife will not let him in the house.  He is broke and has nothing.  I have been praying for him to return to the church and I have prayed for his recovery . . . now this tragedy.  I am afraid to call my sister-in-law as I know all I will hear is that my brother is dirt and can go to hell.   I am desperate to know where and how he is, yet I am scared at the same time.   He has bad asthma an may not have his meds.   
   Could you guide me as the Lord would?  I apologize for the long message Fr.   I really need help!!  Thank you for any guidance.

Answer
Hi, Ellen...

I can appreciate your dilemma, and I am sorry for the tragic circumstances you describe.  It sounds as though there are serious issues with your brother that are beyond your abilities to fix, as sad as this is.  He certainly does not need any "enablement" in the sincere attempt at misplaced compassion.  Of course you are concerned for his whereabouts... You should certainly put out a missing persons report with the police dept.  As for your sister-in-laws bitter feelings... well, they are certainly understandable, though she ought to refrain from cursing your brother, and pray for him and his help and recovery.  I can't say that his going to jail just might be the best thing for him right now.  At least there he would be out of the dangers of the streets, and taken care of; not only his physical and medical needs, but perhaps some treatment for his emotional and other problems.
You must give this up to God the Father, through Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Spirit in prayer, as you have no power in the situation apart from your love, concern, and ability to pray.  So pray very much for your brother, and ask God to watch over and help him get some help.  Harboring him in your home and allowing him to disrupt your family life with your husband could never be a good thing for any of you, EVER.

Fr. Timothy Johnson