Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 6/23/2011

Question
QUESTION: My brother was married last summer in a Lutheran ceremony.  He was baptized and confirmed Catholic.  He left the Church pretty much right out of high school.  He goes to a Lutheran Church and considers himself to be Lutheran.   My understanding is that his marriage is considered to be invalid in the eyes of the Catholic Church.  I have talked to him about this.  He understands that I believe that, but I don't think he believes/understands this.  In his mind he is married.  I want to lead him along the right path without being nagging.  My brother is wanting to stay at my house with his wife.  In the past I told him I couldn't because I couldn't have them sleeping together when the Church doesn't consider them marriage.  He said he understood and we left it at that.  Well now the issue has come up again.  I guess I'm feeling bad because he is coming into town to remodel my mom's house and is spending much of his own money to do it.  He can't afford to stay at a hotel and my house is the only place they could stay.  He has been hinting towards wanting to stay with me.  What should I do/say?  Did I do the right thing the first time or was I wrong? I guess I see it as if they were still dating.  When they were dating I didn't let them sleep over either.

ANSWER: Hi, Mandy:

Thanks for the question.
This issue is worth looking into so that your brother can make a clear stand in accord with his conscience and in the public forum.  In order to make a formal defection from the Catholic Church, the baptized Catholic is to present his/her intention to the local ordinary (Bishop) that he/she is, in written and signed public statement, leaving communion with the Catholic Church.  This clarification has only come out in the past couple of years; and since I do not know when your brother went through a marriage ceremony, it is difficult to know if this applies in his case.  Prior to this clarification, one could be considered to have formally and externally broken communion with the Catholic Church in some other manner.  Was your brother formally received into communion with a Lutheran ecclesial community?  Was his state of alienation from the Catholic Faith of his youth merely the result of laziness, cerlessnes, or neglect?  Was it merely acceding to the wishes of his wife?
These issues are all important to consider in order to draw a clearer picture of your brother's motives and intentions in his current situation.  I know for myself that from the time when I became a Catholic, I hold this conviction deeply, strongly, expressly and externally.  If I ever thought I was going to leave formal communion with the Catholic Church, then I would go thru the external and formal process.  So, as you can see - based upon the information you provided, it is impossible to give a complete answer... not because the Catholic Church is unclear in her principles and teachings; but because of the difficulty of discerning the interior motives and dispositions of an individual, with the desire to respect the individual freedom and dignity of that individual.  Now you can have an open and honest dialog with your brother about his deep religious convictions or lack thereof.  God bless you!

Fr. Timothy Johnson

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi thanks for the answer.  I was wondering if I gave a you a few more details if you would be able to give me more information of whether or not it would be wrong to let my brother stay as a guest with his wife in my home.

*No he did not make a formal defection from the Church.
*He was married in June 2010 in Lutheran ceremony.
*I do not believe he was received officially as a Lutheran (do you mean by a Lutheran confirmation for example), he just attends church there.
*He did not leave because of his wife's wishes.  Based on the discussions with him I think it is a combination of poor teaching and not understanding what is/was required of a Catholic, poor example of parents (not practicing what they preach and acting as if they were better Catholics than others, when it wasn't true).  And it seems like he may have wanted help at some point from a priest and he doesn't feel like he received the help that he wanted/needed and I think he felt he got what he was looking for in the Lutheran committee.  He has never really told me exactly what happened but he somehow feels hurt or misunderstood.  He doesn't really seem to feel comfortable telling me exactly what happened.  I hope that gives you a clearer picture of the situation.

I just don't want to be committing a sin by letting them stay together in my guestroom if they are invalidly married.  Some people say I should and some say I shouldn't.  I just want to do the right thing.

Answer
Sorry I cannot resolve any "doubt" in this situation...
There is a general moral principle that if one is in doubt as to whether something may possibly be wrong, one ought not act upon it.  Your brother needs to yake a clear public stand on his situation.  Is he going to formally defect from the Catholic Faith or not.  I suppose that you can just help them find a nice motel or hotel accomodation, and ask that your conscience be respected in this matter, and not to be drawn into the middle of it.

Fr. Timothy Johnson