Expert: Michael Clark, Ph.D. - 9/22/2011

Question
Hello, I have a brief question on how I can communicate my belief to a family member. Well, to sum it all up, I'm not religious, I'm agnostic. I believe that something made us, the universe, atoms, matter, space, time, etc.

I come from a roman-catholic family and my family has always believed that God is the supreme being, followed by Jesus, the virgin Mary, the apostles, angels, the devil. I'm now 21, since I was around 5 I was told to believe in Jesus and that if you do sin you go to hell, basically everything the bible said. When I was about 12 I felt like I was being brainwashed. I thought, "Why am told to believe this stuff without any proof?". I started asking questions to my family and they couldn't answer them. One of my favorite questions I remember asking was, "How did we come to be from Adam and Eve, did their children have incest?". (note: I don't condone incest). Obviously they didn't know how to answer me because in the bible it says you can't marry your own blood.

I have an aunt who is a nun, a very religious nun. The problem that I have is that she keeps asking me to go to religious camps so I need to tell her that I don't believe what she believes in. Of course I've thought of telling her but she is very old, 85 years old, she is very proud of her catholic family and would be absolutely devastated if I told her, I wouldn't want to shock her.

So my question is how would I go about telling her, or should I not tell her? I know this is not a direct question about Christianity/Catholicism but I think its best to ask someone with experience.

Answer
I think this is more a question that could be asked in the Psychology or Counseling section of this website, if one exists. But I will just say that Catholicism teaches that we must freely come to God. No one can force us to do anything. If we don't choose God, then it's meaningless.

As for those who hold different beliefs that you... welcome to life. My suggestion is that you always try to use tact and gentleness with whomever you speak to. That's the ideal. Sometimes we fall short of it. But if we do, we usually regret it.

So I suggest that whatever you say, say it with love. If others can't accept who you are right now, them maybe associate with them a bit less. And if that's practically impossible, then just distance yourself psychologically. As a Hindu man once said to me, "some people you keep close to your heart, others at a distance."

But the funny thing is that, if we really care about people, they'll always be in our hearts, even if we're not seeing or talking to them. That's been my experience, anyhow.

I hope this helps.