I am so angry with God. I just can't believe in a loving God. Going to church just makes me angry and upset. I have often used the F-word in my silent prayers at church the last months. I don't want to talk to a bread at church. It sounds so stupid. I don't think God wants me to become Catholic. Sometimes I feel that God is a sadist. Why should I even care about becoming Catholic or care about God at all?

Dear Andrew:

Give thanks that the loving God loves you, in spite of your being in a place and state right now where you are an angry human being.  Based upon what you wrote in your question, I don't understand the reasons behind your feelings that make you angry and upset; but the great news is that God understands your heart to its depths better than I can understand it, or better than you even know yourself.
God became one of us, He shared our humanity, in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  He did this in order to allow you to receive His healing and loving forgiveness in your life, and to share in the grace and peace of His divine life.  He gave us the Eucharist, the Bread from Heaven, as a mode of His abiding presence in the Church, for you to enter into an experience and encounter with Him in a way similar to those who lived at the time He walked upon the earth in flesh, and the outward apprearance of man.
I believe God wants you to become a Catholic if you are able to see His love for you, and the plan of Salvation through His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.  It seems as though you are struggling a lot right now, and I am sorry to see this pain in what you have written.  I am sure that God is much bigger than each F-word you have ever used under your breath; but He will help give you better, more loving and life-giving words if you allow Him...
I can only encourage you right here and right now to "stay in the struggle."  Don't despair.  I will offer some prayers for you today during Palm Sunday Mass.  May God bless you!

Fr. Timothy Johnson


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