Expert: Fr. Michael - 12/27/2005

Question
I have a guy friend that is or should I say was a devote catholic, and I and my family (which were of the baptist faith) that we are quite concerned about a pentacostal girl he is dating. She was divorced, but her husband died. She is studying to be a minister (which he absoulutly disagrees with and has stated as much) This girl went to his parish, and said she hated it, but she saw Jesus walking down the isle, and he was very sad, and said that althought these people had the right heart, they were headed in the wrong direction. She has had him come to her church and has filled him with rediculus idocies. I can't even believe the line she gave him! The best pick up line I've ever heard, and he fell for it! She told him, "Jesus told me to enjoy you!"
Because we care about this guy like a brother, we have tried to get to know this girl. She reveiled to me her "plans" for him. One was to totally ruin his faith and get him to convert to her religion. She is succeding and this guy seems like he's abandoned every aspect of his faith. Plus he has lost all respect with my husband and kids with this girl. The make out at our social dances, she never lets go of him and gives and has socially isolated him to her group of friends, because we are all trying to "break them up"
We just want him to see her for the hypocrite she is, but he is in his mid-40's and feels this is his last chance at marraige. We, my family and all his friends, feel he is acting in haste and desperation for a wife. We feel this could bring him to his ruin.
Last January this girl was fired from a very prominate department store. She gave him the story that she "sold too much". Well, that was another line he feel for. He is so nieve and it is concerning to all of us. She has yet to get a job, but he has been helping her pay her bills. He thinks he should marry her, and may just do that.
He has recently asked my husband his opinion on some things about this girl and we wanted some time to check into it. We have found our a lot about her faith and it's beliefs, and feel it is deceiving and misleading him.
This girl also told me it was her main goal to marry this guy, she was wanting someone to "take care of her" while there is nothing wrong with that, there is in some cases of motivations and deceiving a person.
I feel she is fake, and a fraud and is just using him for a meal ticket. I have this gut feeling that tells me this about the girl.
And so do those that know her. How can we get him to listen without "pushing" him toward her even more or what can we do to councel him and get his eyes to open? We have prayed for him, and still care for him. She won't let him associate with any of us.
What can we do?
Thanks for your time.

Answer
It sounds as if the man is headed for disaster.  A great deal of this is the result of the fact that his religious life is in a shambles.

There are no magic words that you can use if he is bound and determined to make a disastrous decision.  Make your concerns known directly and forcefully and break off relations with the woman.  It does not help for you to make it easier for him to make the wrong decision.

What he does then is his responsibility.  If he makes the wrong decision, you can decide to cut off relations with him, and you can tell him in advance that that will be the consequence of his decision.  A little "tough love" sounds to be in order.