Expert: Michael Clark, Ph.D. - 4/1/2007

Question
QUESTION: I married a wonderful lady, and i was of no faith at the time and still struggling to find a path. as we have now divorced from each other and i don't quite understand how that can be when we send our children to catholic schools and they attend service(mass) to learn about the faith and live by the teachings of the church yet all that i find about divorce says that it was never gods plan, and that even if you did divorce you were still married in the eyes of god for his intentions were till death do you part.
   So how can i send our children to teach them the faith that is devout by their mothers family, and entered into mine when no one seems to follow the teachings of the church anyway? what is the point to teach our children things we will not conform to ourselves? is that not as if saying good for me , not for you?
ANSWER: I'm not a lawyer so don't take any of this as legal advice. It's not.

My guess is that you had a civil divorce which would legally define how you and your former wife relate to one another economically, who looks after the children, visiting rights, and so on. The Church realizes that civil divorces occur but it views this as a separation (I don't use the word "recognizes" because that has different connotations than "realizes").

http://www.dioceseoflafayette.org/tribunal/annulment.htm#5

Now in your case, since you were not a Catholic (?) at the time of marriage, that might complicate things. I'm not sure. It likely depends on whether the bishop permitted your marriage or not.

If the Church still sees you as bonded in matrimony, this is a spiritual marriage. You would have to get an annulment to effectively say that the marriage never was.

A similar question and answer might help:

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Catholics-955/follow.htm

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QUESTION: the direct question was one of finding the legitimacy of teaching our children things we ourselves did not follow?

and would that not be as hypocritical as smoking and tell them not to?

Answer
I felt that the second part of your question would have to be reconsidered by you considering the info I provided. I didn't answer it on purpose because, IMHO, I already answered it. You're not really breaking any laws of the Church by getting a civil divorce. Unless you get an annulment, you're still married (but separated) in the eyes of the Church. So where's the hypocrisy?

Aside from that, remember also that we're all imperfect and on a journey. That includes making mistakes, repenting, and trying not to make them again. The Church doesn't only accept perfect people. I think the numbers would be very low if it didn't accept us in our transitional state.

I hope this helps.

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This link might also help to clarify things:

http://www.archindy.org/tribunal/faq.html#