Expert: Griff Ruby - 5/12/2007

Question
QUESTION: I converted to the Eastern Orthodox Church about one year ago and it was the best move I ever made.  Before converting to Eastern Orthodoxy I was an Episcopalian and before that a Baptist.  I did consider the Roman Catholic Church briefly before converting to Orthodoxy.  Two items kept me from converting to the Roman Catholic Church...the 1st item was the Pope, which I might could have accepted eventually, however, the second item is the fact that I am remarried and have two wonderful children.  My first marriage was when I was a teenager and no kids resulted.  It seemed crazy to me that the Roman Catholic church would not accept me.  What do they want me to do?  Leave my wife and kids?  It's absurd.  Some things cannot be undone.  The Orthodox Church accepted me and I thank God for that.  I believe they hold the truth in that area.  Having said that I am hooked on EWTN.  There are many similarities between our two churches.  Please give me your input.  Annulment is out of the question, I'm not digging up old stuff with my ex-wife.  According to the Roman Catholic Church what should I do....leave my whore wife and bastard kids? immediately???  It's very offensive, and to be quit frank hurtful as well.  My inquiry to the Roman Catholic Church still bothers me to this day.  Please advise.


ANSWER: Unfortunately, it is never proper to "discern" truth by what we find easy.  However, neither is there any need or obligation to abandon the children (nor, in a sense, even the partner you now have).
Let's take a look at some of the options.  This unknown first wife:  Is she baptized?  Is she Catholic?  (was she ever?)  Even more important, did she abandon you because of your choice of advancing in the Faith (e. g. she choosing to remain a Baptist while you progress to more High Church, through Episcopalian to East Orthodox), or alternatively did she pose a danger, physical or spiritual, to you or the children?  If either of these things occurred, you may well have a good "out" on this.
Not for annulment, but actual Catholic divorce (very rare, but it does occur under certain circumstances).  Look up "Pauline privilege."  Basically, marriages between the unbaptized (validly, by Catholic standards, the validity of Baptist baptisms being very much debatable from a Catholic standpoint) are seen not as a sacrament but as a contract.  If after such a marriage should one partner convert and be baptized (validly, per Catholic standards) and the other either abandons the one on account of this or else becomes violent and abusive or dangerous, it would be possible for the Catholic convert to divorce the non-Catholic partner.
Alternatively, if both are seen as validly baptized in the view of the Church at the time of their baptism, but they were not (and never had been) Catholics at the time, and one converts and joins the Church and the other, on account of that again becomes violent and abusive or dangerous, or else abandons the Catholic partner, again a divorce might be possible.  For this, look under "Petrine privilege."
Next of all, if neither of these options is viable, then I would recommend "digging up old stuff" with the first woman, since (for example) what if she had been baptized a Catholic as a baby, left the Church in growing up, and "married" you as a Protestant before a Protestant minister or justice of peace?  If so, then this would be most easy slam-dunk annulment, and quite a valid one.  And there are any number of possible reasons (but watch out for the "psychologically immature" one for this one is always fraudulent - they hand this one out like candy on Halloween but it has no validity).
If it turns out that this too is absolutely not possible, there is still one more thing, but this won't be easy (but it IS doable).
Here is the real problem.  With that first woman, you stood up before the altar of God and vowed to be hers and no other's (and she likewise to you), until death do you part.  Words have meaning, and no matter how ill-advised it may well have been to do so with her at that time, it is done.  A child may in innocent ignorance find a gun and shoot a sibling to death. Afterwords he may be truly sorry and truly even innocent of any crime, but the deed is done and the killed sibling does not come back to life.
Marriage is exactly that serious, and why it is that Jesus elevated Marriage to the status of a sacrament, and one which is binding on His Church until death.  If none of the possibilities listed above can apply to you, then that first woman is your wife.
So, what to do, if that is indeed the case?
I do not recommend that you leave the family (or take the children away from their mother) as that would cause tremendous harm to them.  What this situation does mean is that you and their mother have no access to the uniquely marital prerogatives.  If you lived with her as though you and she were brother and sister, and then together took care of the children, there would be no wrong committed, and no reason not to receive the sacraments.  There are many couples in similar situations for whom this is the one real recourse, and if done for the noble purposes of pleasing God and avoiding sin, can carry great merit in Heaven and for Heaven, and bestow tremendous graces on your life and hers.  But obviously it would be a sacrifice, and not easy.  For some it may require separate bedrooms, for other perhaps it would be enough for separate beds (sort of like you see in those old movies or '50s sitcoms).  A few couples (especially as they get older) might even have the mutual self discipline to share a bed chastely.  And yes, as age accumulates such an arrangement gets easier.
But getting back to the main issue I called out in the first sentence, it is gravely sinful for a person to determine "truth" on the basis of what they like rather than by objective criteria.
One other word about the Orthodox churches on this:  In America many of them tend to be far more liberal and free-wheeling about these things than they are in their home native countries.  A devout East Orthodoxer would find in their own particular church's most official documents the same exact policies as the Catholic Church has about marriage and divorce.
I know this has not been all that good of news, and no doubt a bitter pill to swallow, but it does represent the furthest a Catholic can legitimately go on this sort of question.  I hope it has helped clarify things, God bless.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for your answer.  No, I'm very happy and content as an Eastern Orthodox.  I did speak with a Roman Catholic Priest before converting to Orthodoxy.  I fully believe, as well as, the priest did that I could have received an annulment from the Catholic Church.  We went as far as to complete the required paperwork.  Of course, I'd still have to pay around $500.00.  The way the questionnaire reads for the annulment, it would have been very hard for any failed marriage not to receive an annulment.  I think just about anyone could receive one.  Well, as long as they had $500.00.  Again, thanks for your answers, but I believe with all my being that the Orthodox Church holds the fullness of the Church.  I'm going to stick with what my Church teaches.  However, If my current marriage was to fail... then yes, I'd be a single man. Two strikes and your out.

Answer
I don't know of any scriptural precedent for "Two strikes and you're out" but be that as it may, it occurs to me that one reason you might have chosen to stay with the Orthodox is that they have not fallen as far as what seems to pass for "Catholic" in the minds of many these days.  There is something to be said for this.
I might as well get the secret out:  More than 99% of all places that say "Catholic Church" or suchlike on the door are simply not Catholic at all, and clearly a place where you can get as many annulments as you like (for $500.00 a piece) is clearly not one and the same as that Church that preferred to risk (and even lose) England rather than issue such a similarly Mickey-mouse annulment to King Henry VIII.
THAT Church also still exists, but it has been exiled and is much smaller and harder to find these days.
I must admit that if it were down to a choice between the Orthodox and the fraud that presently attempts to pass itself off as the Catholic Church today, I too would also have to side plainly and clearly with the Orthodox.  But I have the advantage of knowing that the real Catholic Church still exists, and where to find it.  From that Church you will not get an annulment at any price, just as Henry VIII didn't, unless of course you happen to be from among that tiny few hundred or less legitimate cases a year, in which case I am sure you will find it much more reasonably priced.
Have you ever heard of Catholic traditionalists, or Latin Mass societies, Latin Mass orders, etc.?  These groups are far more than merely about using some old fashioned liturgy,  much more indeed.  Their true and full purpose is to preserve that actual Church itself, to continue a true and authorized and valid and legitimate succession of Catholic authority and centrality to future ages.
In that Church there is no watering down, and in fact next to them even the Orthodox are noticeably watered down, though admittedly far less so than any other group.
I have documented their history in my book (available from Amazon and several other carriers, and can also be read online) titled "The Resurrection of the Roman Catholic Church." (see http://www.the-pope.com/library.html ).
You have managed to catch the real Catholic Church at a very bad time, but it is also a tremendous time of opportunities for Grace.  The Church is flat on Her back right now, and what little good any of us could do now to help would mean more than anything a king could have done for Her only a hundred years ago.
I guess it comes down to deciding whether you believe that Christ called you to a war against evil, or to a church potluck and picnic.  Whatever agreements the Orthodox have between themselves about respecting their particular native regions, when it comes to the rest of the world there is nothing in particular planned.  That's why the East Orthodox (by the way, note: "East," not "Universal") have no presence in South America, Mexico, China, the Philippines, Southeast Asia, or any of the southern and western parts of Africa, and compete against each other here in America to what limited extent any of them are found here at all.
But Christ meant His Gospel to be for the whole world, and we Catholics long have had a presence in all parts of the globe.  Though we have taken quite a blow in recent decades, with 99.9% of our resources hijacked and stolen from us, the harvest is worldwide and we shall rebuild, as we did before.
So this is about much more than merely you or me or our families.  To serve Christ is to be engaged in a far greater forum, and it is to that forum I wish to invite you.  He awaits you with open arms.