Expert: Tom Schott - 6/14/2007

Question
Dear Mr. Schott,

I am a Christian girl, raised Methodist, but had found something lacking in that doctrine and so no longer am a practicing Methodist. My boyfriend, of whom I care for deeply and was a close friend of for 4+ years before dating for the past year, is a devout and deeply religious Catholic. Because we are both headed for graduate school(at the same school), questions about the rest of our lives have been raised. He has been told by confidants of his that "our marriage" in theory would never work, and so is very distraught. I, on the other hand, look to my Catholic aunt and Methodist uncle in a wonderful marriage with two Catholic children whom I have been and am very close to. I had believed that as long as I was Christian, and would be supporting of his raising potential children Catholic, never undermining and helping where/when I could with what he had to do, that it would be workable. Our moralities and conservativeness is very much aligned. I wanted to ask for your perspective as a Catholic on this situation - a cool and calm perspective without emotional involvment which I cannot personally find.

Thank you for your help,
Rebecca

Answer
Rebecca,

 I have no idea who these "confidants"  are of your boyfriend's, but they don't know what they're talking about. Either that or they must know something that I don't. I know literally hundreds of couples who are in so-called "mixed marriages," who have been happily married for years and years. From the way you describe your relationship, I see no reason to think that it would be otherwise if you got married. What does your boyfriend's heart tell him? Why he distraught? I can only suppose that he loves you, and that the so-called confidants are people who are close to him. From my perspective, it doesn't matter who these people are. They are mistaken. What I suspect -- I could be wrong about this -- is that the confidants are coming from a very conservative perspective on Catholicism, the kind of mindset that still looks upon marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics is somehow morally inferior. The Church has long since recognized that marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic Christian shares exactly the same sacramentality as one between two Catholics.

God bless both of you. I certainly hope this has helped you some.

Deacon Tom