Expert: Marco - 9/28/2006

Question
I am so happy spiritually right now. I give my problems to our Lord and hope that he returns them fixed.
But sometimes I wonder why me? Then I get afraid and think of Job. I pray continuously. If it weren't for my faith I would kill myself. I have posted a question to an expert in abuse relationships, but being a Cathollic, I would like your opinion. It read as such:

HI,
I have been married to my husband for the past 16 yrs. I was married before and have 2 children from the marraige and we have a son together.
I feel like my head is empty. I know my problems but do not know how to get out.
He doesn't work and lives off of me. He gambles all fo the time, (you might want to know how with no money, he steals it from me) He uses substances sometimes. He has had mutiple affairs.
I am embarrassed. I want to get out. My house is in foreclosure. I have an excellent job and make great money. No bills are paid because he steals it all from the bank. He is out with his friends all fo the time. If I ask him to stay home he wrecks the house.
He knows I have asthma and I am allergic, so he brings home another dog. (#3).
He started to physically beat me now. He pulled wads of hair out of my head while draggin me across the room. He bit me twice.
I really am not in love at all. I know that I have to run, but why won't I? I really look at him with disguist.
We are trying to sell the house before it goes up and while I am working he sleeps instead of helping out and getting the house together. It is filthy. I spend all weekend cleaning so they can mess it up.
I was not raised like this. My parents have been divorced since I was young, but they both agree that I am sick for staying in the relationship. They only know half of it.
Please tell me, I am that low in self esteem? I am afraid that my kids won't come with me. If I walk away from the house, he will not care and lose it all together, and the house is in my name. As I am writing this, I realize that I really hate him.
Is there a magical answer? Is there a book that I can read that will give me somthing that I need to hear?
Please help me.
Paula


Please give me insight on our faith and help me to have that 150% confidence the Jesus is sitting next to me.
Please

Answer
Dear Paula,

according to the catholic faith, marriage is indissoluble.
Anyway, a spouse can choose to separate in grave cases, and your is certainly one of these cases. Of course, the spouse, after separation, cannot marry again because he/she is still married with the other spouse, also during separation. Jesus Himself explained that a man or a woman who marry again after separation commit adultery.
So a separated spouse must live in chastity.
I don't understand why you are afraid your kids won't come with you. Since your husbond has no job, I am sure that your kids will be assigned to you. Besides, I do not understand why you do not go out from the present bank account and open a new personal bank account, excluding your husbond from it, so that he can take no longer money from your bank account.
I think you should go to a lawyer; he is certainly more expert than me and he can give you better pratical suggestions.

I hope this may help you.

please ask again if you should need some clarifications,

Your brother in Christ,

Marco