Expert: Fr. Michael - 7/7/2007

Question
Hi Father.  I am Catholic and my fiance is not.  He is in the military and due to financial and military life circumstances we got married civilly in October 2006.  We have a Catholic ceremony and big reception planned for October 2007 and our family/friends and Priest do not know we are legally married.  I tried to tell my family what our plans were before the civil marriage, but my Dad did not agree with it and threatened to not attend the wedding that we have planned.  We went ahead with the civil marriage because we are confident that it was best for our relationship.  In our eyes, being married was just a technicality but being married in front of the Lord is what matters most and what we're preparing ourselves for.

Before the civil marriage, I seeked counsel from the priest at the parish I have been attending for the last few years.  He said that the church should go ahead with a traditional marriage ceremony in Oct. of this year even though we are already married civilly.  However, this is not the priest that is performing the ceremony, and I have not "come out with" the truth to him yet.  I am afraid that he will be upset that we have not told him and will refuse to marry us or will rearrange the ceremony so that it is obvious to our families that we are already married.  We don't want them to find out, especially my Dad.

I know I have to tell the priest about our situation and I feel guilty for not having done so yet.  My question is, what kind of reaction should I expect from Him?  Is it too much to ask to have the Priest help us the fact that we're already married from our family/friends?  Also, what kind of ceremony can we have in the Church?

Thank you in advance for your guidance.

Answer
By presuming to marry in front of a civil official and by that act renouncing your Catholic Faith, you have apparently excommunicated yourself and contracted an invalid marriage, so the problem is far greater than you imagine.  At this point, before you fall into greater error, you should immediately consult a traditional confessor.  If you do not have one, you should
consult the Official Traditional Catholic Directory (www.traditio.com/nat.htm) to find one.