Expert: Tom Schott - 10/22/2004

Question
I know a couple who are both confirmed Catholics.They were married in a civil marriage; as he was brought up thinking that all Catholic marriages have to have the big, formal, expensive and prior to having a family in order to be done as a sacrament. Although he feels "very married", he doesn't think they'll ever be able to qualify for the Sacrament of Marriage in an actual Catholic church.
I have assured her that they don't need a huge guest list, elaborate and expensive gowns and trimmings, lots of attendants for each of them and a huge wedding reception.
I told her that all they really need is to go to their preist or deacon, explain their situation, confirm their true commitment to each other and their 2 (so far) children and their honorable intentions and free will on both parts; and that it can be done.
She's worried that his family will be disappointed by not having this big affair to plan. I assured her that his family has already accepted their marriage, but that the sacrament is for the two of them and their relationship to God and the community.
I know the marriage has to take place in the sanctuary, but am I correct in telling her that it doesn't have to be so stressful and expensive?
Can't they just have a simple ceremony for just the family, with their children and just a little dinner party afterwards?
Many thanks, MC

Answer
Mary Cat,

 Only threee things are required for a valid Catholic marriage: It must be performed in a church, by a priest or deacon, before two witnesses. That is it. There are no requirements for attendants, flowers, music, huge numbers of guests, fancy dress, elaborate reception, etc., etc., etc. Your friends can have a simple wedding ceremony with two witnesses and their kids and the priest, and it could be done from start to finish in about 10 minutes.

  If they do not want to go to a lot of trouble and expense, they can still have a wedding with lots of guests by asking the priest to perform it during a Sunday mass at the parish. This is an option they might want to consider.

   Anyway the point is, a simple ceremony is easily taken care of and perfectly OK.

Deacon Tom