Expert: Tom Schott - 6/5/2006

Question
    I am very in love with a boy. We have been in love for nearly two years now. We are not officially "dating," but we are very close.
He is Baptist, and I am Catholic. He struggles with his faith, but does go to church every week, and tries hard to strengthen his faith. I consider myself to be very strong in my faith, and quite knowledeable in the Catholic teachings.
Up until now, our different beliefs have not been a huge factor in our relationship. A few days ago however, we started deeply talking about our beliefs. We have compared and contrasted our beliefs.
Tonight, he told me that he doesn't think that our relationship can continue to go beyond friendship because of a certain Baptist belief. He told me that Baptists believe that relationships with persons outside of the Baptist faith can alter their walk with God.
I understand how that could happen, but I also know that I respect him and his religion. I do not/will not pressure him into going to Mass with me, believing what I believe, nor will I try to convert him to my religion. I know he feels the same on this. We respect each others religions.
I do not see how this is a problem. I know that if we were to marry one day, this would be a bigger issue. But right now, at our young age (teenagers) it is not a HUGE factor. I strongly believe that we should be able to date and not have religion keep us from that. I think that we are mature enough to be able to discuss our beliefs with each other without altering each other's faith life.
He, however, insists that it is not right. I do not want to upset his beliefs or anything, but I just do not understand why it would be so wrong, if we both respected each other and did not try to convert one another.
Can you please tell me if Baptists really do believe in what he is telling me, and if so, what we can do to keep our strong relationship? I do not want to lose him.  

Answer
Anna,

I'm sorry, Anna, but it appears it doesn't matter what you think about this situation. You are not in control of it; it is not your decision that's brought about this turn of events. Whether you acknowledge that there's a problem or not, he obviously does not want to continue the relationship. Whether you understand why he thinks continuing is wrong is also immaterial. I can assure you that Baptists are among the most staunch in their conviction that their faith is superior to all other Christian faiths, and especially Catholics. It is not uncommon for some Baptist churches to be openly anti-Catholic. I am not saying this is the case here, but it could well be. If so, it is definitely better for you that this relationship end.

I understand what you are saying about the circumstances and your ages, but there is nothing you can do to continue your relationship with this boy if he does not want to continue it and has spiritual reasons for his decision.

I know this hurts, and I know it's hard to understand, but it is actually better, given these circumstances, that your relationship with him end. Continuing will only lead to greater hurt in the future. Look at it this way: the best way you can show your love for him right now is to respect his wishes. If it is in God's plan that the relationship resumes under better circumstances, it will happen.

I truly hope this has helped you to see this situation a bit more clearly. God bless you.

Deacon Tom