Expert: Griff Ruby - 7/25/2006

Question
My husband and I have been bleesed with a scholarship to send our daughter to private school. I have researched schools and the one I feel is a best fit is Catholic. She will attend mass every Friday and have religion as a daily class. How much will this confuse her , she is only 8 we are thrilled with school but also want to prepare her for the differance ( that she can understand ) so she is not feeling uncomfortable with the teaching,confession, kneeling, rosary all items she has no knowledge of yet. We want her to learn other Christian faiths but also want to preserve our beliefs. I truly appreciate your time :)

Answer
I know there is an assumption that in a Catholic school there should be a much more religious and moral foundation laid than in the public schools.  On a few occasions this is still true, but in most cases it is not.  I will have to address the two possible situations separately.  But first, how to know which kind of school you are looking at:

Just answer these questions:

Those Friday Masses.  Are they in (a) Latin or (b) English?

The teachers.  Are they (A) classic nuns in full habits like you see in the old movies or (b) people (nuns or not) dressed in ordinary clothes?

The curricula.  Can they (a) provide an assurance (opening themselves up to lawsuit if not carried out) that they will not provide explicit sex-ed courses that discuss condoms, masterbation, homosexuality, sexual diseases, etc. clearly not age-appropriate for an 8-year-old, or (b) must they equivocate about this and hide their textbooks from you?

The curricula, again.  In what religion class do they (a) use the Baltimore Catechism or equivalent, or do they (b) use some nebulous book full of gobbledygook about "circles of family and community"?

The fellow pupils.  Is the school (a) for Catholics (and those who are willing to comport themselves as Catholic children) only, or do they (b) pride themselves on how many non-Catholic children attend and "how respectful" they are about the various Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, etc. "religious beliefs" of these particular pupils.

The fellow pupils, again.  Do the students all (a) wear school uniforms or is it (b) "come as you are"?

The fellow pupils, yet again.  On a visit to the school during school hours, are the children (a) well-behaved, respectful to adults, free of tatoos and body-piercing or are they (b) obviously rebellious and defiant like kids in the public schools?

Affiliation.  Is the school (a) "independent" or (b) affiliated with the local Diocese?

I realize that some of these questions may seem somewhat superficial, but they are clues to the true nature of the school.  With every question above, the first (a) situation within each is the mark of a truly and authentically Catholic school, and the latter (b) the mark of a school which (despite whatever it says in front) has no right to claim the name of Catholic.  (There is actually one school that is affiliated with its local Diocese in Pennsylvania and which would qualify as truly Catholic but they only take boys from grades 9-12.)  Now, in evaluating the school in question, unless there is a clear preponderance of answers of the above questions with the first (a) and not the latter, the (b) situation, the school is no more Catholic than the local public school.  I will deal with that situation first.

If it is not really a Catholic school (despite the name), then it really is no different than the local public school and you might as well save the money or use it to send her to (I hate having to say this as a Catholic) a Protestant-run private acadamy.  At such a school there is absolutely no risk that she will come home praying her rosary or wanting to confess her sins to a priest.  (My own niece attended such a school and there is no evidence that anything "catholic" rubbed off on her there at all.)  Instead the risk is that she will learn that religion is something not to take seriously as "all paths lead to heaven or nirvana or whatever it is" and (like her fellow pupils) find church something impossible to take seriously, to say nothing of picking up worldly ways no different than she would in the public school.  The problem would not be one of "confusing her" but of introducing her to the "fun" ways of the world and a nauseating "political correctness" from her teachers that no responsible parent could ever wish upon their child.
If, against better judgement, you decide that such a school is still the "school of choice" in your area (perhaps the alternatives might really be all that bad) I must say I am not sure what you can do to arm her against what goes on there, other than whatever same strategies you would have used if she went to the public schools.  (Have you looked into Homeschooling?  That's what I'm going to have to do.)

On the other hand, if you are dealing with one of the few authentic Catholic schools around, it is a very different consideration.  I can't think of a safer or better place for a child to go to school (I would send all my kids to such a school if we had one in our area) and grow up to be a fine Christian young woman.  Of course there she will learn the rosary, confession, the Mass, and so forth and you will just have to test for yourself as parents whether her doing these things (in school she will pretty much have to do some of this, or at the very least be at peace around it) makes her a better or worse daughter.

The Baltimore Catechism is very good for helping a child understand all the basics of the Faith, of the Holy Trinity, Heaven and Hell, Creation, Adam and Eve, the Fall, the Redemption.  Perhaps you can purchase one and go through it with her if you want to prepare her for anything you are afraid she might not understand.

Overall, whatever school you send your child to, it would be a good idea to have her take all her textbooks (and "workbooks") home (and not just the "religion" ones) and review her course material for the day, or at least once a week.  "What did you learn in school today?" should be a question she can answer in detail if she wants her allowance or comparable privilege.
Parents, and not school systems, are the principle ones responsible for the education of their children.  Even at best, schools must be at the service of the parents, to do what they don't have the time or resources to do, but still guided by their interests as regards what their own children shall be taught.  Any school that will not be guided by your thoughts as a responsible parent as to what will be taught and when is a school you should not have anything to do with.