Expert: Charlie B - 10/23/2007

Question
Why does the Catholic Church (and Christianity in general) seem to have such mixed views on human sexuality? Children are seen as gifts from God, yet many Orthodox Christians (for example) celebrate saint's name days instead of actual birthdays, because the latter are shameful reminders for them of parental lust and "weakness". Many Christians frown upon sex for pleasure, even between married men and women. Couples who cannot conceive are told to abstain, sex being for procreation only.

I do not espouse a sexual free for all. Still, I am puzzled as to why sex is not viewed as a joyous aspect of life, a gift from God meant to be enjoyed and used as an expression of love and affection and not just for procreation. I personally feel that sex is a lot like celibacy. Some people are celibate for spiritual reasons. This makes celibacy special. Others might be celibate for non-spiritual or even selfish reasons. Two different kinds of celibacy. Likewise, "proper" sex between a married man and women, had for procreation, could exist within the context of an unloving or even brutal marriage. And two people could have a loving physical exchange outside of marriage. I do not advocate the latter, but could easily believe that God frowned on the first example of "proper" sex and had less of a problem with the second one.

Some speak of the "natural order" that God put into motion and say that sex falls into this scheme of things. And yet many things sexual in nature and FOUND in nature, are declared to be "unnatural" because nature is "fallen". We seem to define "nature" in ways that support or discredit whatever topic we are for or against.

Another example of what I speak of can be seen in the reaction of most Christians to claims that Jesus was married, had sex and fathered children. I do not believe this to be true, but what if He HAD? Would this not make Him even more like us? Would a sex life have made Jesus LESS divine, less the Son of God? Would it have changed His message or diminished its impact?

Answer
Hans,
I don't believe that the Catholic Church has mixed up views at all on sexuality.  It's very black and white -- for example, we wife and I practiced NFP for 21 years (and still do), or Natural Family Planning.  Catholics don't believe in artificial birth control, so I used to abstain for 10-12 days a month... well worth it.  It allows me to get my feet wet without my boots on!  I never liked condoms anyway (I was raised Protestant, by the way).
Christianity in general, a product of the secular world and the media seems very confused, I agree.  I personally don't know of any Christians who among married couples that frown upon sex for pleasure between them.  And wow, I've NEVER heard of a married couple (not just a 'couple') who can't conceive being told to abstain.... The logic of that large extrapolation escapes me totally.
My response to your statement, "..puzzled as to why sex is not viewed as a joyous aspect of life, a gift from God meant to be enjoyed and used as an expression of love and affection and not just for procreation" it IS viewed with joy, and meant to be an expression of love -- but it was always designed to be within the sacrament of marriage.
I'm 51 years young, so when my wife goes into menapause, we're supposed to stop?  Only when there's no air to breathe. :-)
I've also never heard that "nature" is fallen, but I can tell you that nature mirrors "entropy" or the 2nd law of thermodynamics which says everything goes from a state of order to a state of disorder, by itself--naturally. So, dust settles on your desk; your car loses value, needing preventive maintenance, etc.  I've never heard of "fallen" nature, which sounds like it takes the fallen nature of man to an extreme, extending it beyond its designed intent.  
No, Jesus was not married nor fathered children.  Yes, sex would've made him less divine; afterall, he was a priest from God.  You recognize the value of celibant priests, that's clear.
It appears to me like you've been exposed to the incorrect, bending of "the truth" relating to sex.  It's a tough topic in this world we live in, but the Catholic Church is the one beacon of 2000 years of truth that now Pope Benedict has worked to ensure crystal clarity -- there are no grey areas here.  
If you want to learn more, go to www.saintjoes.com and get one of several CDs to listen to give you a proper perspective - click on Family Life, or look at the title, "What's Love Got To Do With It?
Reflections on Holiness, Purity & Responsibility"
Charlie
www.breedingtrust.com