Catholics/Unconsummated marriage

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Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 10/25/2007


Question
A couple weeks ago I had the shock of my life to discover on my wedding night that the woman I courted, loved, and married happened to be born with a terrible birth defect that basically means that she has no genitalia, only a very slight dimple to mark the spot where a whole lot more should have been.
Since that time she has managed to convince me that she honestly had not realized just how different she is from the other women.  She did not knowingly attempt to deceive me.  But now I am faced with the horrible decision as to what to do next.  At this point I just want to know and explore what my options are.
Since our marriage is unconsummated (obviously!), I assume that I should be able to get an annulment, freeing me to marry another (correct me if I'm wrong).  I would just have to, as the movie character says, "grow a new heart."
But if I do this, would SHE be able to marry another, for example if somehow she found a man who would accept her knowing of her condition, or would the very attempt be prohibited?
Given this situation, would I be obliged to have the marriage (?) annulled or could I remain in this relationship as it is now, if I so choose?  I point out here that while I really was looking forward to the compensations of the marriage bed (and children), I am long accustomed to practicing perfect chastity and I feel that I can do this for the remainder of my life if necessary, living with her as brother and sister.  I have acquired no unchaste habits and have had no slip-ups since I turned 19 (I am now 32, and she is 24).  I love her dearly and can't see living without her, and could seriously see going this route if it is at all permissible (and then we would adopt children).
Finally, a doctor has told us that he knows a doctor who can perform an operation to give her the semblance female genitalia, thus enabling her to at least please me in the bedroom.  Both of us have very mixed feeling about this.  It would not give her the ability to have children so nothing would be "open to the transmission of life" and just the artificialness of it somehow seems "wrong" to us, so even if it were an option (from a Catholic moral perspective) I am not sure whether we would do that or not, but it would still be nice to know:  Is that an option?


Answer
Hi, Stuart:
Thanks for the questions.
First of all, may God bless and reward you for your extremely rare virtue of premarital chastity and continence in this day and age...
I do not make light of the situation you have encountered; but I can outline the basics you would be looking at.
She could have an operation to give her a vagina that would allow regular intercourse, though of course she could never bear children.  You could be "open to life" and make a family by adopting children.  As you say, you love her dearly and seem to wish to make the marriage work; so I would not want to advise you in any direction toward dissolving or getting a decree of annulment for the marriage.

Fr. Timothy Johnson

Fr. Johnson

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Fr. Timothy Johnson

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A Traditional Catholic Priest, validly and licitly ordained, incardinated legally and canonically in the Diocese of Fargo, and in good-standing with my Local Ordinary (Bishop) on active assignment at a rural Tri-Parish. I can provide honest and balanced answers to questions on topics pertaining to Traditional Roman Catholicism of the Latin Church (Councils of Trent and Vatican II)and a lot about the Eastern Catholic Churches, including the Sacred Liturgy, Sacred Scripture, Church History, the use of the Latin language, the tradition of Sacred Music, and current events in the Catholic Church from a traditional, historical and balanced perspective.

Experience

I have been ordained a Roman Catholic Priest since June 2001.

Organizations
Knights of Columbus; Church Music Association of America (CMAA)

Education/Credentials
Ordained Priest, 02 JUN 2001; Ordained Deacon, 27 JAN 2001; MA - Dogmatic/Systematic Theology; MDiv - Professional Degree from Seminary; 2-Years formation with Canons Regular of Premontre including studies and experience in Sacred Liturgy, Chant, Latin, Sacraments, Spirituality. BA - Scholastic/Thomistic Philosophy; BA - Liberal Arts; AA - General Studies.

Past/Present Clients
I serve 3-small, rural Parish Communities in Easter North Dakota
I converted to the Roman Catholic Church in 1981, at the age of 15. Over the years I have done work as an organist, cantor, and choir director for the Latin Rite (English & Latin) Mass (Liturgy of the Eucharist), and even for the Hours of the Divine Office. I have worked as a cantor for a Melkite Byzantine Catholic Church. Presently my pastoral and administrative duties as a Catholic Priest do not allow me as much time as I used to have to devote to Sacred Music; but for my weekend Masses and Solemnities within my Tri-Parish, I offer High Sung Mass in English. Weekday Mass is typically Low Mass (recited Mass) in English, though on occasion I will offer the "Tridentine Mass" in Latin, which I usually offer on my "Day Off", as well. And now, in light of the "Motu Proprio" by his Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI placing the extraordinary usage of the Roman Rite back into the mainstream of the Catholic Church, I have been offering a regularly scheduled SUN, 2:00 PM Tridentine Latin Mass with a community of the faithful that has a stable existence.

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