Expert: Fr. Timothy Johnson - 10/20/2007

Question
I am a spiritual person who feels very close to God.  I pray multiple times a day, thank God for everything in my life, both big and small, and I was raised in a Presbyterian church.  I will be marrying my fiance, who was baptized Catholic, but does not attend church, and has lost his trust in Catholicism through the years, this December.  The ceremony will be held at the reception site and will be conducted by an ordained, Presbyterian minister who is also a long-time friend of my family.
 My fiance's grandmother is a devout catholic.  She has informed my fiance's father that she will not be able to attend our wedding due to her religious affiliation.  My fiance is heartbroken.  His grandmother has always been an important part of his life and he feels as though she is letting him down, particularly because my faith in God is so strong, and although some of our beliefs differ, we are praising the same God.
 Would it be at all possible for his grandmother to attend the service and still be acting in accordance with the Catholic church?

Thank you, and God bless you.

Taryn

Answer
Hi, Taryn:
Thanks for the question.
It is always difficult to gauge a response based upon something as vague as "spiritual person who feels close to God" and "does not attend church, and has lost his trust in Catholicism through the years."
In the first case, the descritpion sets up the individuals own subjective experience as the "measure of a thing"; and in the second, there seems to be some implied "blame" of the institutional church for some subjective reason.  Such is the times in which we live.  The Holy Father Pope Benedict XVI has called this the "Dictatorship of Relativism."
Objectively speaking, if your fiance is in fact a baptized Catholic, then he is objectively bound to "Canonical Form."  This means to get married in a Catholic liturgical ceremony, in a Catholic Church building, by a duly authorized Catholic Priest or Deacon, in the presence of two witnesses.
In the case of marrying a baptized non-Catholic, he would also need a simple "Permission for Mixed Religion."
In order to get married in some other kind of ceremony and circumstances, he would need to obtain a "Dispensation from Canonical Form"; however, I gather from your description that neither of you thought it important to approach a Catholic Priest about the matter of marriage preparation, who could have easily worked with you on the matter.
By implication, this tells me that your fiance has not bothered to practice his Catholic Faith, probably in a LONG time, if really EVER before.
I am saddened to hear of those who claim to "lose trust" in the Catholic Church; but, I suppose at a subjective level myself, I have many experiences of having lost trust in a lot of individual Catholics.  As a convert to the Catholic Faith, it never ceases to amaze me how so many infant baptized Catholics "leave" the Catholic Church without ever really knowing her teachings, doctrines, culture, and discipline.
So, since I do not know all of the particulars, it is hard to say what his grandmother ought or ought not to do.  I don't know whether your "Catholic" fiance is acting in good faith with good will, or if he has some deep hidden MORAL problem with some aspect of Church teaching that he is consciously and deliberately rejecting (this is common); or if he has just been plain ignorant, lazy, or negligent about his Catholic Faith his whole life, or later in life.
I honestly wish that he would study and experience his objective Catholic Faith to gain a spiritual life perspective.

Fr. Timothy Johnson