Expert: Michael Clark, Ph.D. - 6/28/2004

Question
I have several questions.  

1.  I am not religious, but my boyfriend is Catholic, and I've heard that I have to convert to Catholicism if I want to marry him.  Is that true?

2.  What is involved in converting to Catholicism?  What process does one have to go through?

3.  I have been asked to go to mass with my boyfriend, and I'm very nervous about doing so since I am not Catholic and won't know what to do.  Do you have any advice or tips on what to do and what not to do in mass so that I can feel more comfortable and won't make a fool of myself?

4.  Do Catholics look down upon those that are not religious and/or not Catholic?

Thanks!

Emily

Answer
1. I am not religious, but my boyfriend is Catholic, and I've heard that I have to convert to Catholicism if I want to marry him. Is that true?

Not really. There are so-called mixed marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics (but who are Christian), and also between Catholics and non-Christians. But chances are they won't tell you that and will do everything they can to get you to convert. My advice is to follow your own instinct. They'll probably want to know if you've been baptized by a Christian church (that they recognize as valid for baptisms).

2. What is involved in converting to Catholicism? What process does one have to go through?

One enters into a sort of course, which is actually a rite. It's a year-long thing, goes from September to Easter, meeting once a week. It's called the RCIA (just search at Google, using keywords >> Catholic RCIA )

3. I have been asked to go to mass with my boyfriend, and I'm very nervous about doing so since I am not Catholic and won't know what to do. Do you have any advice or tips on what to do and what not to do in mass so that I can feel more comfortable and won't make a fool of myself?

Don't be nervous. It's not a big deal at all. The thing about Church is that the people can be a pain the neck, all staring and making their little judgments. But God is what it's all about. So my advice would be simply to watch what they do and just do the same thing. All you really have to get right is when to stand and when to sit. And since they all do this at the same time, you just have to follow their lead. It's easy. I used to do that for a few years before I felt called into converting.

4. Do Catholics look down upon those that are not religious and/or not Catholic?

Some do. And I think they are probably the worst type of Catholic. But others are more open-minded. And some can see that a good person can belong to any tradition, or not even to a given tradition. If anyone looks down their nose at you, I suggest you remember that a central Catholic teaching is that we are all sinners (including them). Another important teaching is that Catholics are not to judge others. We are supposed to let God judge. That's the ideal. But our personal opinions come into play almost on a daily basis. And that's life!

So in sum, I'd just go and check it out. On the plus side, you might feel a spiritual "touch" there. The only thing that you cannot do, and which you should not imitate, is when they all go up for the Eucharist (i.e. Holy Communion)at the end of the Mass. It's against the Vatican's "rules" for non-Catholics to partake in that. I'd just stay seated in the pew and wait for your boyfriend to come back.

I hope this helps...