Expert: Tom Schott - 3/23/2007

Question
Dear Deacon Tom,

                    I dont know what to do with my life. I want to have fun in my life. But I told my mom that I am scared of DATING. I am very scared of dating period. I just am looking for that special someone who loves God like I do and is catholic but has that family backround and dresses modest. I dont like men with long hair I just want someone with a clean cut style and his hair has to be short because the lord said It is a shame unto him to have long hair. I want someone to just like me for me. See I have a hard time I tremble when I see a guy come in my direction I think he is going to hurt me or something because something serious happened to me I was hurt but I felt like my innocents was takin from me. I am not pregnant thanks to the LORD!I do not believe in ABORTION! I am how ever afraid of dating in general. What can I do to rebuke this fear? I want to get married someday but I get to my safe place which is the nunnery and I am stuck! I want to be able to be not afraid of dating. I get depressed sometimes because I think I am not pretty enough and that is why guys dont like me. I look like a mixure of Melinda Doolittle because of her face shape and structure and then I have a mixure of Jennifer Hudson from that movie dream girls.Are there guys that like me for me and that like modesty women? And are there men that are respectful and they have to be catholic.I dont want to fight with other religons like Mormonism and occults or Protestants. Just Catholic.

Answer
Dear Jacqueline,

 From what you say, you're probably in your teen years. I am so sorry to hear that you have had a terrible experience; it's understandable that you would be wary of dating. But I can assure you that there are good men out there, looking for that special someone that you are. You're correct to be concerned about the moral fiber of the person you date or eventually marry. But I can also assure you that good people are found in all religions, and just because one is Catholic doesn't guarantee moral fiber. But of course you can date whom you choose, just so long as you know this.

 As for finding the right guy, don't worry about this. It will happen in God's good time, not on any schedule of ours.  If your fears persist--and certainly, given your experience, they are understandable--I suggest that you seriously consider professional counseling. In the meantime, know that I am holding you in my prayers. May God bless and keep you.

Deacon Tom