Expert: Ali - 10/24/2008

Question
QUESTION: Greetings, Ali

On Monday, I had to do the loving thinag and put my 13 year old cat Charlie to sleep as he had an agressive tumor. I found the lump Thursday, took him to the vet Friday and he was diagnosed on Monday. Other than the lump, Charlie did not exhibit any abnormal behavior.

As you can see, there was no time for emotional preparation. I am holding up just fine for the most part, but at issue is Charlie's companion Duncan. He is 16, also male and healthy. Charlie and Duncan interacted very well together. They were buddies and I know that Duncan is missing him. The following behaviors have changed in Duncan:

1) He is  bit lazier than normal
2) He does not beg to go outdoors (he and Charlie were allowed when they asked)
3) He is taking over laying or sitting in areas that were typically Charlie's
4) He meows oddly on occasion; I know he is asking what happened

What has not changed are his eating and litterbox habits; He is affectionate toward me, purring as usual and is not hiding.

As Duncan and I are the only two in the house, my concern is that he is lonely during the day and that breaks my heart. I do not want him to become depressed or lathargic. Once home, I play with him frequently throughout the evening and give him extra love.

Would it be adverse to get Duncan a new pal? I am going on a cruise 11-28 through 12-8. I only want what is best for him and appreciate your advice.

Thanking you in advance,
Lisa

ANSWER: Lisa,

Duncan is grieving just the same as you are. It's perfectly natural for him to miss his companion of so many years. If you would like to try and help him feel a bit better you could try giving him a homeopathic remedy called Bach's Rescue Remedy which is a blend of flower essences designed to calm and reassure. I would suggest around 4-5 drops per day in a bowl of fresh water each morning. Your broken heart is just as difficult to heal...I have found a small piece of writing that is helpful in the time after losing a much loved pet. I hope that this helps to soothe your broken heart, I know that I have found it helpful in these tough situations.

         The Rainbow Bridge

There is a bridge connecting heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge is a land of meadows, hills and valleys, all of it covered with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this lovely land. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. Those who are maimed are made whole once more. They play all day with each other, content and comfortable.
There is only one thing missing. They are not with the special person who loved them on Earth. So each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up! Then, the nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes are staring! You have been seen, and that one suddenly runs from the group!
You take him or her in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.
Then, together, you cross the Rainbow Bridge, never again to be separated.

My heart and prayers are with you and Duncan during this time. Just remember that you gave Charlie a gift of love - the gift of a painless, dignified death surrounded by love....

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Ali:

Thank you so much for the tender words of compassion and especially the prayers as this is a difficult time for both Duncan and myself.

Duncan had a good morning. He sprang out of bed when I did and was acting completely normal. He even asked to go outdoors. I know that Duncn, just like me, will have good days and sad days and that time will heal. I told him that we will continue to remember Charlie through fond stories.

Two questions:

1) Do you think that Duncan will be OK by himself while I am on a ten day trip? I will be leaving five weeks from today. I have a young lady from my church who will be looking after him in our home. She does work so she will be in and out.

2) My sister recently adopted a kitten and we were thinking of having cousin Gracie Mae over for a visit to see how Duncan would react....a test, shall we say, so he can let me know if he wants a new buddy as Duncan has never been alone. Is this a good idea?

I do have a couple of pictures of my boys that I will pass along to you as soon as they are processed.

Have a blessed day, my Friend. You have provided pricelss caring words in my time of need.

Lisa

Answer
Lisa,

It would be a good idea to have someone who is willing to spend as much time as possible with Duncan since you will be away for so long...Especially given that this kitty has recently lost someone he was close to and it's also important to remember that this little guy is an elderly cat so things can go wrong with his health quite quickly and the sooner these types of issues are spotted the better. I do think that given the recent stresses of Duncan's life it might be a good idea to have this old boy thoroughly assessed by your family vet for your peace of mind...I would recommend a complete pre-anesthetic/senior pet blood profile as well as a urine test, this will allow your vet to have a good overall picture of how Duncan's major organs are functioning and whether or not he has any hidden conditions that may not have yet been diagnosed. It's best for a senior cat to have as much human interaction and time as possible while their human caregiver is away...If your friend is able to spend a good amount of time in your home with Duncan while she isn't working that would be a good plan, at this stage in the game I wouldn't suggest that this kitty be left alone with a person only coming in to feed him, provide him with fresh water and maintain his litter box. Play time and interaction are important, especially when things in their environment have changed in combination with their human going away for awhile.

Due to the fact that most cats are quite territorial I would advise against immediately introducing them to another cat. Cats aren't fond of change or meeting new felines, this is a process that should be a gradual undertaking...If you would like to adopt a friend for Duncan I would suggest that you prepare your spare room with food, water, toys, and a cozy place to sleep. The new kitty should be isolated for a minimum of 2-3 weeks in this room. New cat/kitten introductions are fairly common issues so I would recommend that you consider checking in on my previous answers on this subject for further details...I don't think that it would be a good idea to bring a kitten into Duncan's home to be introduced for a few hours or an afternoon, this would likely stress him out and be upsetting for both the kitten and your little man. Adopting a cat or kitten from a shelter should be something that you consider very carefully, if you feel that you are ready Duncan will most likely be okay with a new furry family member provided that they are properly introduced over time...Hope that helps!