Expert: Ali - 11/26/2008

Question
Hello! I recently adopted a kitten from the Humane Society, let me just say that she had to stay there for about a month to get over a cold and to be "fixed". I had adopted another kitten 3 months prior to bringing "Punkin" home. He was very warm and welcoming to our new addition! Since we have brought her home she has gotten along just fine with our previously adopted cat, who by the way is very loving and loves to cuddle! The new kitten was kept in my daughters room for a week or so until her incision healed, then was introduced to the rest of the house.  On very rare occasions, with alot of coaxing she will let you pet her, otherwise you might as well forget it! BUT....she will climb in bed and want to cuddle while you are asleep. ???? We have bought toys, cat gyms, and anything that would make her comfortable. Why won't our kitten warm up to us?

Answer
Jen,

There are a few things to keep in mind when adopting a kitten from a shelter or other institutional environment. Kittens born into households have far more freedom than those who end up in shelter cages. This means that shelter kittens don't get as much exercise as they should and they also tend to have difficulty socializing with other cats and people due to a lack of consistent interaction and socialization. Cats like people have different personalities, they are sentient beings with independent thoughts and emotions. Kittens from institutional settings end up there for a variety of reasons from stray pick ups to owner surrenders to cruelty cases. Sometimes finding out as much information as the shelter has on Punkin can help to understand where she's at mentally and emotionally. Kittens really don't care how much money you spend on toys and devices aimed at trying to make them comfortable in their new home. Most kittens are just as happy (or more so) with a balled up piece of paper as they are an expensive toy from your local pet supply store. There are a number of ways to help your Punkin feel happier and more at home in her new surroundings. Keep in mind that kittens are natural predators, that means that playing with them in ways that stimulate their prey drive and give them a constructive outlet for that behavior will help them to develop a bond with you. While using toys like kitten mittens, kitty teases, toy mice and feathers will stimulate interest and give both of your kittens time to be the predator that they are deep inside that's not all that you can do. Making sure that Punkin isn't feeling over loved or threatened is a good place to start. While eye contact is extremely important to human beings it is seen as a threat in the feline world. Try to avoid direct eye contact with the kittens and have your family members do the same. Also, let Punkin come to you, if you chase her around and continually insist that she spends time with you she will do exactly the opposite. Bonds take time to form, I can see that you love your kittens very much, but they are still babies at heart. Back off a little and stop trying so hard to make this little Punkin love you and your family, in time she will begin to settle down some and love everyone in her territory. Patience and time spent are what forms the bonds with kittens so the more that you use these strategies in your daily interactions with the Punkin kitty, the sooner she will settle down and become a full fledged member of the family and she will also begin to establish bonds with her favorite humans. Kittens want to spend most of their time playing, eating and sleeping, I suspect that the reason Punkin climbs up to cuddle with everyone when they're sleeping is because she isn't feeling pressured to meet demands for attention and affection - these night time cuddles are Punkin's way of saying that she loves you.