Expert: Karen Craft - 2/26/2008

Question
About four months ago I adopted my two boys, Sacco and Vanzetti.  They're nearly one year old brown tabbies, littermates.  As soon as they switched from the humane society to my apartment, their personalities changed.  Previously, Vanzetti was a bully who had to be separated from the other cats; Sacco was a sweetheart to all the other kitty residents.  Today Vanzetti is a meek submissive beta cat.  His brother Sacco, the alpha, consistently "beats him up," bites his neck, sits right on top of him when he's sleeping in the cat condo, etc.  As far as I can tell, this is all perfectly normal behavior.  But one thing - a pretty major thing - is really getting to me.  Vanzetti will not be affectionate with me if Sacco is in the room.  I will be petting him and he will be in heaven and then Sacco saunters into the room and Vanzetti snaps up rigidly and sits at the end of the bed, or even leaves the room.  If we're watching TV and I'm stroking him, he repeatedly checks Sacco's perch to see if he's sleeping.  It's rubbing off on me and now I'm paranoid!  Whenever I touch Vanzetti I look over my shoulder to make sure Sacco isn't watching.  Sacco gets very moody and depressed and he hasn't been the same.  Recently, I've been favoring his dominance, giving him more attention than his brother, etc, and his mood swings are getting a little better, but I cannot see Vanzetti ever "letting himself go" while I stroke him as long as Sacco is around.  I shut the door with Vanzetti in the room, we have our cuddle time, but as soon as Sacco starts crying outside, Vanzetti runs and sits by the door.  Play time over.  It's driving me nuts.  I want an open household where we can all be affectionate in peace.  I hate to admit it, but I'm considering finding a new home for the bully.  I'd rather not -- the boys love each other, groom each other, play together.  But they also fight.  A lot.  And if Vanzetti even looks at a mouse toy when Sacco is around... big trouble.  Their fights aren't that bad, mostly play.  And Sacco doesn't keep Vanzetti from eating or using the litterbox.  The majority of the dominance issues seem very normal, it's just that I'm not "allowed" to be affectionate with Vanzetti in his brother's presence.  What do I do?? Do I favor the dominant behavior and give Sacco attention whenever he wants it?  Or do I lay down the law and let him know how it will be?  Vanzetti really doesn't enjoy being touched if Sacco is watching...

Answer
Hi Zack,

First off, are they neutered? If not then get them done. Next get something called Feliway Comfort Zone. This is a spray that mimics the happy cat pheromones. It should relax Sacco. It should help. If not, write back and I'll help you further. Good luck.

Ciao, Karen