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Cats/how can I help my partner bond with our new cat?


We have adopted my mother's neutered one year old male cat (his mother
was feral and she has cared for him from when he was a baby). Mum lives on
her own and was absolutely devoted to him, and he led an idyllic life in rural
France. Three weeks ago, she brought him over to our house with a small
garden in central London and stayed with us for ten days to settle him in. He
has all his special things - his old litter tray and toys and food bowls, as well
as an old jumper of mum's in his bed to curl up on. But obviously, he has a
huge adjustment to make. We are often out for 12 hours a day, though at the
moment my partner's sister is staying with us so at least there is some
company! He is confident to venture outside when I'm home, but hasn't yet
got the hang of the cat flap so is indoors all the time. He seems to be
relatively happy however - he purrs, and eats, and uses his tray and likes to
play. While he is still incredibly skittish and pouncy,he does seem to relax
with me and I can stroke him and pick him up. if I put him on my lap,
depending on his mood, he sometimes stays for a while for a good stroke
and scratch. I'm confident that our relationship will grow and ultimately be
very rewarding. But I'm worried about how to help him bond with my partner
Rufus. The cat has never lived with a man before, and has had every little
contact with men in general. Rufus is a gentle man, but he must seem huge
to the cat - over six foot and well built. The cat keeps running away and
hiding whenever he tries to bond with him, and Rufus is now feeling rejected
and less inclined to try. When he plays with him, the cat does respond and
forgets his fear, but this doesn't seem to have helped the cat relax at all and
he still keeps his distance unless a toy mouse or shoelace is involved. In an
attempt to help them both, I've suggested he feeds the cat every day and
cleans his litter tray, but so far, they are still very wary of each other. Can
anyone suggest ways of helping them grow to love each other? My partner
has never had cats before, whereas I have, and I'm concerned he'll just give
up before their relationship has had a chance to grow.

well sounds like you have done everything right so far.
Often time is all that is required in these situations and that may all that is needed for your cat and Rufus

However all i can do is recommend that you read my web page about bonding with a cat, it is all about how you approach them etc.

here is the page

Hopefully with a lot of patience and time both Rufus and cat will learn to love each other.

best wishes


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Kate Tilmouth


I can answer most day to day cat problems encountered by owners. I have a good understanding of cat behaviour and problems which may arise from changes to their daily routine. I can advise on cat training including litter training and general day to day cat care issues. I am not a vet and therefore cannot answer medical questions.


I run my own cat website at and have been a dedicated cat owner for over 20 years. I have encountered many different cat problems and situations and feel that i have a good understanding of cats and cat ownership.

I am a platinum member of Ezinearticles where i write mainly cat related articles.

Educated to High School level and have since worked for many years in a customer support based environment, gaining vocational qualifications.

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