Expert: Ali - 9/11/2008

Question
thanks for your quick response, Ali.  I am currently keeping them separated.  I
am trying this a second time.  I did keep Velma in  another room when I first
got her home.  Maybe it wasn't long enough time?  I'd then let her out for
supervised visits with my resident cat, Daphne.  Then, by suggestion of my
vet, I started feeding them together.  Feedings were all right for a few days,
then Velma started nosing in on Daphne's dish.  Daphne would sometimes
hiss to get her to back off, but after a day or two of this she just growled and
walked off.  And it wasn't long after that I started making the visits
unsupervised, and I'd leave them alone for a few hours.  I'd come home to find  
them asleep in separate areas.  Anyway, it was going to be the first day I'd
give them a whole day together( I'm single, and I work, so I am not home
most of the day) when Daphne did not come home for 4 days.  
So, currently separating them, again, I feel bad for Velma being in a room all
by herself.  She does have toys to entertain her, but I know she wants to come
out where I am at.  Is there anyway I can do this? I could let Daphne outside
for a bit?  When do you start to allow supervised visits?

Answer
Monica,

I think that a period of 2-3 weeks with Velma living in a room behind a closed door won't be harmful. After all, just because Velma is being isolated from Daphne doesn't mean that you can't spend some quality time playing with her. If you have a TV and DVD player in the room that Velma is in you can also pick up the Cat Sitter DVD series and play it for her regularly. These DVDs are designed with cats' interests in mind and they are very well liked by most cats. Ultimately patience is key, at this point you can certainly feed Velma in a cat carrier beside Daphne to get the girls used to the idea of eating together without aggression. It sounds very much like Daphne isn't exactly enthused about sharing her human, some cats are like that. If you allow Daphne outside so that you can spend time alone with Velma she's going to feel that you are replacing her which could potentially lead to issues like inappropriate elimination or aggression directed towards you or Velma. The best thing that you can do is have patience, allow the girls to get things worked out for themselves. There will usually be dominance issues until the cats figure out whose who in the household so little spats aren't uncommon. You have to remember that Daphne isn't used to having another cat sticking her nose into the food dish or sharing your attention. Daphne needs loving attention and reassurance that she's still #1 with you. In about a week's time you can try feeding the girls in opposite sides of the same room without the cat carrier. If Daphne and Velma have difficulty accepting each other you can certainly be there to supervise and make sure that nobody gets hurt. Whatever you do, DON'T stick any part of your body between the girls if they begin to fight as you can be bitten/scratched accidentally by one or both of the cats and cat bites that break the skin require medical treatment. Have patience during this tough time. Reassure Daphne, play with her, cuddle her, give her some of her favorite treats, she needs to understand that you aren't trying to replace her. After the cats have successfully managed to eat together on opposite sides of the same room you can bring out a new toy, something interactive like a kitty tease works well and break out the catnip and kitty cookies. Reward positive interactions between the girls, praise Daphne for sharing and being a good girl. This stuff takes time, if you rush it or push Daphne into the background to favor Velma she is going to be justifiably hurt, jealous, angry and anxious. Right now Daphne needs to see that Velma is second to her, so allowing Velma free reign when Daphne is outside isn't fair.