Expert: Ali - 3/30/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi last Thursday we let our cat out thinking it was only for a few minutes he normally comes straight in when we call him.  My son said to keep him in but my husband let him out it was 11-15pm he has been out countless times at that time.  We live on a busy main road  but he has always been very nervous and was frightened of any noise so we have always been confident that he would never cross the road.  At 1am he still hadn't returned so we fixed the cat flap so when he came in he couldn't get out.  I was very restless all night and when I looked out of the window at 6am he was lying on the other side of the road.  My husband brought him back and buried him.  We feel devastated and guilty we cannot stop crying.  He didn't have a mark on him except a scratch on his nose.  Why does this happen when he had no injury.  We miss him so much and feel sick at the thought he might have suffered.  Please could  you put our mind at ease.  
Thank you

ANSWER: Jean,

My heart goes out to you at this tough time....It's always difficult to say good-bye to a special cat, and even more so when the end has come so unexpectedly. I know how difficult it is to have to say good-bye to special feline friends that seem to sneak into our hearts, especially when their passing happens suddenly as a result of an accident or serious illness. I have no doubt that you loved Tiger very deeply and I'm sure that he has left precious paw prints on your heart. Cherish Tiger's special qualities, don't be afraid to look in your memory for funny things that he's done, habits that were unique to him and his very special personality. This is a completely normal and healthy way of grieving the loss of such a close friend. While some people don't understand the impact that a cat can have on your heart, it's important to allow yourself time to grieve regardless of other people's opinions, losing a pet is one of the most stressful experiences in life and has been compared to losing a human friend or family member. Everybody grieves differently, you need to allow yourself all of the time that you need. It's okay to miss Tiger and find losing him difficult. Don't allow insensitive people to convince you that Tiger was "just a cat",  it sounds to me like you loved him deeply and you will always miss him terribly and hold him in a special place within your heart. As far as I am concerned, cats are the truest and most loyal friends a person can have. Cats are always happy to see you and try their best to spend lots of time with you. In my life cats have been incredibly wonderful friends and they just give something to your heart and soul that no other person or animal does. Cats don't care about your status in life, where you are on the corporate ladder, where you came from or how much money you make, they truly love you for who you are, and of course the best part of being a cat guardian is that you get your 15 minutes of fame every time you come home from work no matter what kind of day you have had. While I understand your desire for answers you may never have the full explanation of how and why Tiger passed from this life. To be honest, if Tiger was hit by a car he may well have had serious unseen internal injuries, head trauma or other types of injuries that just aren't visible without diagnostic tests. I know that this explanation doesn't do anything to soothe the pain that you are feeling right now and no matter how many answers you have they just aren't going to do what you want most at this time which is to bring Tiger back.

I would like to pass on a special piece of writing that I have found soothing after losing precious four legged family members.

         The Rainbow Bridge
         Written by: Paul C. Dahm

There is a bridge connecting heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge is a land of meadows, hills and valleys, all of it covered with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this lovely land. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. There, the old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed are made whole once more. The play all day with each other, content and comfortable.
There is only one thing missing. They are not with the special person who loved them on Earth. So each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up! Then, the nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes are staring! You have been seen, and that one suddenly runs from the group!
You take him or her into your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.
Then, together, you cross the Rainbow Bridge, never again to be separated.


Take this time to do something that will allow you and your family to remember Tiger as he lived, not as he died. Show your love for him by creating a memorial tribute to him, maybe do a collage of pictures and have a candle that can be lit anytime someone is feeling Tiger's loss acutely. Try to think about the fact that Tiger is an angel watching over your family, he loved you very much and he will see you again someday. I know that you will never forget Tiger, and he won't ever forget your love and kindness while he lived with you on Earth. Someday the painful day to day memories will become bittersweet reminders of Tiger's special impact on your hearts and lives. If you find that you are ready to adopt another special cat after you have had a chance to grieve for Tiger or even to help cope with Tiger's sudden death you can certainly find many wonderful cats and kittens needing a forever home at your local shelter or private animal rescue leagues. The only recommendation that I have is that you avoid getting a cat that is similar to Tiger in looks, this will help to avoid disappointment when a new kitty fails to live up to who Tiger was in your family. It sounds like Tiger left some pretty big shoes to fill so you may want to consider adopting kittens or cats that must be adopted in pairs. You will know when the time is right. For now, remember Tiger and how special he was. It's okay for your children to cry, most of all, it's important for you and your husband to set aside time to cry and miss Tiger. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in comforting other family members so that you don't grieve, it's perfectly natural to grieve the loss of such a special and loyal friend.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I wrote to you in September last year about my beloved Tiger getting run over.  You were so kind and sent me a lovely reply with a poem.  I don't feel that much better I think it is guilt I have cried every day since as my husband as.  We haven't got another cat yet but I really miss having an animal.  We live on a main road and all my friends think I am wrong to think about getting another cat.  We have lived here for 37 years and have always had cats I don't know if it is luck that we have only lost one cat.  I know I am just babbling but I would really like your advice and how I am going to stop feeling guilty.
Thank you so much for all your help.

Answer
Jean,

Ultimately the safest cat is a well cared for indoor cat that has been spayed or neutered. Indoor/outdoor and outdoor only cats tend to have shorter life spans than indoor only cats fed a high quality holistic food and not receiving excessive vaccines. There is new research available suggesting that we as a society are over exposing our cats to vaccines and this is causing shorter life spans, increases in certain types of cancer, higher risks of renal failure and developing autoimmune diseases. The new research suggests that kittens should be vaccinated properly and then vaccines should either be completely discontinued or administered in cycles that help to reduce the risk of adverse reactions to the vaccines we currently use as preventative treatment for our cats. An indoor only cat is exposed to fewer health risks such as viral/bacterial infections from stray/feral or outdoor only cats who aren't properly cared for and a variety of internal and external parasites. If your cats have hunted and then eat their kills they can contract things like tapeworms so it's best to take these prizes away if you do decide to allow your new friend to be an indoor/outdoor cat.

Feeding your cat a high quality diet is important for your cat's long term health. I generally recommend a high quality holistic diet made with human grade ingredients or a high quality, properly prepared homemade diet. I would recommend that you consider checking out catinfo.org, this site was created by a veterinarian who wants pet parents to have proper information about what their cats need in terms of nutrition. If you aren't comfortable with feeding your new kitty the diet described on this website you may want to consider feeding a commercially available holistic food made from human grade ingredients. Some companies make commercially available raw food diets for cats, however these foods can be quite expensive and must be properly handled and stored in order to be safe for your cat to consume. Two manufacturers that I'm aware of make canned and dry foods that I'm completely comfortable recommending as they both use human grade ingredients. Wellness is designed to be fed as a combination of canned and dry food which can get a bit pricey. Spot's Stew by Halo is excellant in terms of quality and price, a 6 lb bag costs roughly $25 CAN and lasts my 3 resident cats about a month. Spot's Stew comes in canned and dry varieties and may be fed in combination if you wish. Other perks that go along with feeding high quality foods made from human grade ingredients include less waste in the litter box, less offensive smell from the waste that is deposited into the box, a healthier, softer coat and a healthier cat overall. Cats fed higher quality diets have been known to live into their twenties and according to some even into their thirties on rare occasions. The oldest cat ever recorded was 35/36 years old and resided in the UK if memory serves me.

I completely understand the difficult dilemma that you're in and the guilt that you are dealing with at the moment. I would like you to understand that you couldn't have prevented Tiger's death and I know that you loved him very much. I find it more than a little offensive that friends are presuming to tell you that you shouldn't get another cat - it sounds to me like Tiger had the type of home that every cat dreams of, he was deeply loved and cherished and I'm sure he was very happy. I think that opening your home to another cat or kitten in need is a fabulous idea, now that you realize the risks of allowing a cat outdoors you can provide an even happier home for another cat and I think that would make Tiger happy. After all, Tiger was a special companion and I know that he would likely want a homeless cat in a shelter to experience a second chance at life and I'm sure that he would want his much loved humans to be happy and have another feline companion. Nothing will ever change the love that you felt for Tiger or all of the other cats you've had along the way and the best way to pass on Tiger's legacy of love is to adopt another cat or kitten in need of a home - you'll save a life, give a lucky cat a loving forever home and caring for a newly adopted cat will help to ease the pain of Tiger's sudden death. Having a cat is special, they fulfill a deep need in the human heart, a home just isn't a home without one or more much loved cats. Ultimately the decision is yours, you've learned from Tiger's passing and I really don't think that anyone outside of the family should be passing judgement or making decisions about whether or not you choose to open your home to another cat - look into your heart, you'll know what's right. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, please let me know how things turn out....Take care.