Expert: Ali - 1/12/2009

Question
Hi,
I rescued my sweetie Madison a year and 2 months ago. She is 21 months old. She was found as a 4 week old kitten when her mother was killed. She lived with a foster family until she was 8 months old and I adopted her.

Madison was my first cat as an adult. She has had a profound affect on me. I struggle with anxiety issues and she has helped me get into recovery with that. I was so blown away by love for her I worry that because I tried to pour affection all over her I scared her.

Madison is not a cuddlier. She does not like to be held or sit on my lap. I slowly taught her to let me pick her up and hold her for a few seconds when I would come home from work. I did this by setting her down as soon as she wanted to get away. This went from holding her to 1 second to maybe 20 seconds now. She does come for rubs and love but usually when I am asleep or distracted. She also likes it if I come to her when she is on her cat tree she will wait until she has my attention and then roll on her back begging for tummy rubs.

She is physically healthy, eats well, loves to chase feathers of any kind, watch birdies, and sleeps in her bed in the window.

So what is the problem? I am a volunteer care staff at the no kill shelter I adopted Madison from. I decided to become a foster as well. When I brought Monica home. I kept her isolated in her own room. I introduced the scents slowly and after 5 days I did supervised visits' between them.

Madison seemed to be intimidated by Monica. She would give up her favorite place to sit, bed, etc. Madison started begging to go downstairs were she would sleep all day if I let her. I tried not to intervene much between them. I know cat politics are a very complicated thing. I kept the visits short and started to refuse to let Madison run away to the basement. Slowly the situation got better. There was some hissing and batting over the head. But both seemed to settle there differences and get along and play together.

My problem is bringing in Monica has made me very aware that Madison does not seem to be secure. She will always back away or run if possible. She seems to be needing something that I am not giving her. However I don't know what to do.

I know she is happy and healthy living with me but I also want her to feel secure. Do you have any ideas how I could make this better for her.

Monica has just found her forever home. Madison doesn't seem to miss her that I can tell.

Many people have told me that I overthink being Madison's mom but the way I feel is that if I can make her life better I wasn't to do it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Any ideas you have would be very appreciated.

Cheri Linehan

Answer
Cheri,

Sometimes cats that have been removed from their mother and siblings prematurely regardless of the circumstances can become quite insecure without experienced handling. Madison sounds as though she may be a fairly submissive cat preferring flight over fight, this may just be her personality or a result of not having her mother and litter mates to show her how to be a cat. You could try a homeopathic remedy called Bach's Rescue Remedy which is a blend of flower essences designed to calm and reassure. You can find this remedy in health food stores, naturopathic pharmacies, and even in some mainstream pharmacies where the vitamins and other supplements are found. I don't generally recommend administering Rescue Remedy directly by mouth except in emergency situations because most cats aren't terribly fond of the grape alcohol base that the flower essences are preserved in. You can add 5-7 drops of Rescue Remedy to Madison's water bowl and you may notice some gradual behavioral changes over a week or two or you may notice immediate changes. This remedy is safe and is used by vets and pet parents worldwide to help alleviate anxiety and stress as well as anxiety related to trauma. You may also want to check out my previous answers on proper new cat introductions as this can help to ease Madison's anxiety the next time that you open your home to a foster kitty in need.