Expert: Jessica - 10/28/2009

Question
long story short: my mom let my cats out of the house a month ago and they haven't come back.

I cry every day. I miss them so much. I have exhausted everything I know to do except rent a truck and put a humongous picture of them on it and drive around.

how do I move on... when is it time to just realize my cats are never coming back?

non-pet people don't understand how much I am hurting and they can't help me.

will I ever be able to forgive my mom? I don't think so.

please.. help

Answer
Hi Kayla.  I'm so sorry.  This is truly the worst thing a pet owner can go through.  The honest truth is, I don't really know how to help you move on.  There are so many what-ifs and worries and wishes, and there's a lot of anger and resentment that comes along with the sadness.  If you're anything like me, those emotions will be there for a while.  You have to allow yourself the time to feel them and work them out.  These cats have been a cherished part of your life, and you have every right to grieve that they are missing.  There are many people who won't understand what you're going through.  Try not to pay them any mind - there are millions of others who have lost beloved pets and realize that your pain is real.  

When is it time to just realize your cats are never coming back?  That is a question for you to answer.  This is all about closure for you.  Statistically speaking, most cats who will be returned home are done so within 48 hours.  However, I myself have had a cat go missing for 3 weeks and another go missing for almost 6 weeks, and I found a third one almost a year after she had been stolen!  It's possible your cats are still out there.

If you were established where you lived and your cats were always indoor cats, I would encourage you to begin setting up a live trap.  Most indoor cats who get out will stay around their property, but many of them become so terrified outside that they hide all during the daytime, coming out only overnight to find something to eat.  If you set up a live trap with some tasty food and your cats are still around, you may be able to catch them.  This is how I caught my Bengal who slipped outside last month and disappeared without a trace for 4 days.  Some shelters or animals officers will lend you a trap, or you can purchase them from pet or feed stores.

Nevertheless, if you don't trap them, time will eventually begin to help you accept your loss.  I know you feel disappointed with your mom.  Hopefully, she realizes what a devastating mistake this was, and nothing like this will happen in the future.  If she can be there to support you, try to let her.

My thoughts are with you.

Jessica