Expert: Ali - 11/18/2009

Question
I have 2 three year old cats (brother & sister) that I have had since they were kittens. At first both cats were friendly with my boyfriend. A few months ago my boyfriend started staying over at the house more frequently than before. My male cat began growling & hissing at him when I was not in the room. If I were in the room my cat would again be friendly and rub on my boyfriends leg. Its a few months later, my cat has progressed to the point of hissing, growling & hiding from my boyfriend even when I am in the room. My female cat still has no issues and continues to be friendly and my male cat remains friendly with every other guest male or female. Any suggestions/advice?


Answer
Lisa,

The history you've provided is quite brief and I'm not sure that I have a complete understanding of what's going on with this kitty and your partner. I have a few questions that will hopefully give me a better idea of what's missing here so that I can help you and your kitty in the most effective way possible. I'm somewhat puzzled by the fact that your male kitty only has issues with your boyfriend but seems to be otherwise fine with any other house guests male or female. There could be a number of reasons for this ranging from jealousy to territorial issues, if your cat feels he has a reason to be hostile things will not get any better unless you and your partner are willing to co-operate and work with each other to prevent things from escalating. Behavioral issues involving aggression aren't without a cause, once the cause is figured out things can usually be straightened out which is good news for your kitty and your partner. It's possible that the male cat is uncomfortable with your partner's mannerisms, tone of voice, body language, etc - with people sometimes you meet someone that just rubs you the wrong way and you can't stand to be in the same room with them for any longer than absolutely necessary, cats are just just like people that way - there are occasions where cats simply do not like a person that they've been introduced to. Since I gather that this aggressive behavior is very out of character for this kitty I would encourage you to have him thoroughly examined by a veterinarian to rule out any medical causes for the behavior. I do have a few questions that may help me to determine what's happening (in the event that this is purely behavioral which I suspect it might be since the cat's only reacting negatively to one person).

The questions are as follows:

- Are your cats spayed/neutered?

- Do you play with your cats?

- Does your boyfriend play with the cats?

- If you and/or your boyfriend play with these cats how do you play with them?

- Who is responsible for disciplining the cats?

- How are the cats disciplined?

- When your partner stays over for the night how much attention do you guys pay to the cats?

- Is there any possibility that your male cat has had any unpleasant dealings with your partner that you're not aware of? (Unfortunately sometimes behavior like this can be triggered with subtle but effective intimidation tactics, I've seen it happen more than once...Sometimes it's intentional on the part of the person the cat directs his/her aggression towards, other times it's a lack of awareness of feline etiquette and how to politely interact with the cat without offending him/her.)

- How involved is your partner in the everyday care of these cats (since he's beginning to spend more time with you and the cats)?

- Has your partner made any attempt to help your little guy bury his misgivings and obvious discomfort around him? If so what specific types of efforts have been made to smooth things over?

- How does your partner feel about your male cat?

- How does he feel about your female cat?

- Is there any significant difference between how your partner feels about these cats when you compare his treatment of and reactions to each of them?

- Has your partner ever raised his voice or made threatening body language towards the cat in response to behavior like hissing or growling?

- Does your partner make regular eye contact with the cats?

- When these incidences of aggression happen do they coincide with any specific circumstances or behaviors with regards to your partner?


Hopefully between us we can get this kitty sorted out, I have a few ideas of homeopathic remedies that might be helpful, but it's useful to know more about what's going on before undertaking these types of treatments.