Expert: Norman Auspitz - 5/5/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello Norman. It's Danielle again. I spoke to you when I told you my cat Toby who was only three died after being run over. Chance is great apart from ther fact he has gone completely blind. Me? Well two weeks after Toby died I have got his ashes back and I still don't feel better. I haven't got over Toby at all. I feel like he has only just died yet he died two weeks ago. What's wrong with me? The rest of my family are fine now, it's just me. I'm finding it impossible to concentrate at college too with losing Toby. After I have lost a pet like a cat my two goldfish usuallyhelp me by doing tricks to take my mind of it but they have been doing tricks and things that normally make me laugh but it hasn't worked. Sorry about the lengthy email, I get carried away. I haven't slept well at all since Toby died. I don't know what is wrong with me.
Danielle.

ANSWER: Danielle,

People grieve in different ways for different amounts of time.  I believe you have not given yourself long enough to get over Toby.  So, nothing is wrong with you!!!!!  You just need more time.  You may never really get totally over Toby's death, but in time you should be able to function better.  Things will get better in your own time.

Sad regards... Norm.





---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello. Ok I wil let you into a litlle secret about my bond with Toby. Everywhere I went Toby went. He was like a dog with me even if I went to my nans house he had to come with us. I am just glad I have got Chance. The fish and Chance are all I've got now.
Danielle.

Answer
Danielle,

I'll tell you a little secret back.  One of my first kitties died of Feline Leukemia Virus at about age 18 months.  She was a constant companion and followed me everywhere.  For years I felt I could sense her sleeping by my pillow at night and even thought I saw her a couple of times. It took me a long time to get over her untimely death.  But life does have a way of moving on.

Sad regards... Norm