Expert: Ali - 6/29/2009

Question
QUESTION: Dear Ali,
I am very hopeful you can offer some advice. I am having to rehome my two cats, Felix and JoeBobby, due to an odd set of circumstances that landed them living in a bedroom by themselves in my dad's home. I can't take them home because my building doesn't allow animals (long story).

Anyway, Felix I have no issues rehoming, as he was my sister's cat and I have no deep connections to him. But JoeBobby is my baby. I raised him from a kitten when we rescued him from a garbage dumpster behind the store where I worked, and he knows me and only me as mommy. He greets me when I come visit and loves me to pieces, which I can tell from his behavior. My heart breaks knowing I have to re-home him, and especially since today I found his home, with a girl I know from work who has no other pets.

My question is - is there anything I can do to make the move easier for him? He is very skittish in general, and even when visiting the vet's office tried to hide in my arms with his face hidden in the crook of my elbow because he was so scared and I was his only comfort. I'm already in emotional pain over having to give him up, I don't want him to suffer like I already am.

Thanks in advance,

Jessica

ANSWER: Jessica,

This is an incredibly difficult situation to be in, I know that you share a special bond with JoeBobby, but I'm sure that Felix is also having a difficult time being re-homed if you have cared for him over any length of time. Cats are very sensitive animals, they're also very sensitive to any changes within their environment since they tend to be territorial by nature - this includes moving or being re-homed. I wish that I knew a bit more about what's going on that's forced you to make this permanent decision because I might be able to offer some other options for you to try, there may be some way to at least allow you to keep JoeBobby even if it means that you have to seek alternative living arrangements. Is there any way that your father can hold onto JoeBobby at the very least until you can sort these issues out? If there isn't a way to work out an arrangement with your father for JoeBobby's care is there any chance that you'd be able to have this co-worker foster him temporarily until you're able to move into a pet friendly building rather than being forced to permanently sever the special bond you've built with him? Maybe there's a way that you could obtain special permission from the landlord to have JoeBobby live with you while you look for an alternative living arrangement provided that he's not a destructive or noisy cat and none of the neighbors find out about the arrangement. You may find that speaking with property management or superintendants doesn't quite get you where you need to go, sometimes the best option is to go straight to the building owner when you want to ask for a special exception to the rule. I would also encourage you to check with your local tenancy board to find out what the actual laws are in your area regarding pets in apartments - in my area many landlords say that you can't have pets in their property, but they aren't legally allowed to tell a tenant that or enforce their rule. Maybe there's a boarding facility that will allow you to board JoeBobby there long term at a reduced rate while you get things sorted out so that you don't have to give him up...I completely understand how difficult your situation is and I'll do my best to help you out if at all possible because I absolutely couldn't imagine being forced to part with my 3 fur babies.

To be completely honest Felix probably has some degree of attachment to you and he may very well have a tough time being re-homed because if you've cared for him over any length of time he'll miss you and JoeBobby. Your rescued kitty, JoeBobby is very likely going to have a difficult time with being re-homed based on your description of the relationship you two share, especially if you aren't able to see him regularly at least and remain involved in his life and care at least for awhile to help him adjust and get comfortable with his new routines, new caregivers and his new environment. It's been my experience that rescued cats often form strong attachments with the people they've learned to love and trust after being traumatized, abused, abandoned, neglected or discarded by someone who doesn't understand that these actions have a serious impact on animals, especially one as sensitive and complex as a cat.

Given the strong bond you describe with JoeBobby it's best to try and do things gradually and provide him with lots of familiar things - bring along his food/water bowls, food, kitty litter, litter pan, bed, toys and other special items so that he doesn't feel that such a drastic change is happening. Be prepared to spend some time bringing your kitty over to his new caregiver's home for increasing amounts of time so that he can explore the area and become familiar with his new caregiver, her home, any sounds that differ from his current environment. He should become more and more comfortable and confident when you take him to visit, over time he'll probably become more comfortable with other people. It's certainly important to ensure that your co-worker isn't planning to allow JoeBobby outside, he'll be safest inside. It's a good idea to sit down and speak with your co-worker in depth to ensure that she's willing to be patient while JoeBobby gets acclimated to his new surroundings over several visits - I wouldn't recommend that you rush in terms of finding JoeBobby's new home, you'll probably want to visit him every so often and that will likely be good for him....

I would strongly encourage you to seek the advice of a holistic veterinarian, they're trained in conventional medicine as well as one or more alternative therapies which could include homeopathy, herbal medicine, acupuncture or massage to name a few treatment options. The expertise of a holistic vet who has training and experience using homeopathy can be priceless. The nice thing about homeopathy is that it's meant as a way to help bring a patient (human or animal) slowly back to balance and eventually the symptom or ailment should eventually disappear or be significantly diminished. My own vet is a holistic vet who uses homeopathy in her practice and I've got to say that I've seen some pretty amazing things happen with my own cats when homeopathic remedies are given at the right time, doseage and for the right reasons. My family vet explains homeopathy as being somewhat like peeling an onion, there are some times when a particular symptom or ailment is treated successfully only to reveal another issue that should be treated underneath the first issue - homeopathy doesn't mask symptoms, if the right remedy is given it can actually make symptoms disappear. The reasons for choosing homeopathic medicines are somewhat varied, but my preference is the fact that these treatments tend to be safe, effective, relatively inexpensive and above all the worst that will happen in most cases if the wrong remedy is given is absolutely nothing. I feel that it's important to use these tools on the advice of an experienced homeopath or holistic vet because their education and experience can prove invaluable. I can recommend a few homeopathic remedies that might help with his adjustment to a new caregiver, but I can't guarantee that they'll be 100% effective or even start working immediately.

- One all purpose remedy you could use is called Rescue Remedy which is a mixture of flower essences designed to help calm and reassure.

- You could try Mimulus which is specific to dealing with known fears such as fear of the future, abandonment or loss of home and protection.

- Elm will help your kitty be more optimistic.

- Larch helps build confidence.

- Aspen helps to calm vague fears and anxiety.

- If your kitty becomes overly demanding or he's naturally needy you might want to consider trying Heather.

My recommendation for using Bach flower essences would be to speak with an experienced professional to confirm that the remedies listed above will be the most effective choices for your kitty's needs. If you haven't heard much about Bach flower remedies it's quite simple to read up on them online, in books, in health food stores or naturopathic pharmacies. You can usually find these remedies in health food stores, naturopathic pharmacies, some mainstream pharmacies stock Rescue Remedy in their nutritional supplement/vitamin aisle and I believe you can also order these remedies online. If you have any further questions, concerns or you'd like me to clarify anything in this answer please feel free to contact me again, I'd be more than happy to help you out if I can.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ali - thanks for the words of reassurance. JoeBobby and I definitely have a tight bond, so I've already expressed to my coworker that I would like to visit regularly to help him adjust, and his foodbowls, food, litterbox and litter, along with a few toys, will be going with him.

Felix I am not concerned about with the new owner - since JoeBobby had a urinary infection a few months back, they have never really reconnected. And, while Felix is startled by loud noises, in general he gets used to new people and environments very quickly if there are no other animals (his new home has none) and if there is lots of love (his new owner says he reminds her of a cat she used to have who died, who she loved immensely). He even took a liking to my dad, who for some reason no animal seems to like!

Since you expressed interest in the circumstances around my having to rehome them, I'll try to give you an idea and keep it short. My parents are divorced (this is important). When I first adopted JoeBobby, I lived with dad and we did not get along *at all*. I moved in with mom about a year after bringing JoeBobby home, and of course took him with me (the building was very pet-friendly). His acclimation time was almost nonexistent, and he took a liking to my mom as well. About a year after that, mom decided a new boyfriend was more important than me, so she moved out - and I went back to dad's, having had no options. By this time, Felix was in dad's house, so Felix and JoeBobby became brothers (they'd 'met' before). Two years after this, the issues between my dad and I escalated, to the point where I no longer considered that house my home. My boyfriend (now fiancee) saw how much stress and misery I was suffering and bought a unit in a condo building, which we moved into. The purchase went extremely quick - I bought a newspaper and found the listing, we saw the unit that evening, my fiancee made an offer the same night, and closed three days later. We fell in love with the unit, but because the sale went so quickly we never got a chance before closing to review the condo documents - which unfortunately said the building association does not allow pets, even small ones. They were not willing to make an exception for us or anyone else. But, mom was back on her own and gladly took in both JoeBobby and Felix so they would be well looked after. I visited often, spending all day Sundays over there every week.

Mom ran into some hardship of her own last year - a medical condition she was diagnosed with over 10 years ago flared up so badly she was no longer able to work. She lost her car, her home, and most recently her job. She was forced to move into a spare room in my dad's house since she had nowhere else to go - and JoeBobby and Felix went with her. She met a man over the net she fell for who lives in NC and went for a visit in February only to decide she was staying - basically, I put her on a plane expecting her back in 2 weeks and haven't seen her since. Now with the economy the way it is, my dad is badly needing to rent out my mother's room - the same room that JoeBobby and Felix have been occupying, where I have been visiting and caring for them several times a week.

I've been working hard to pay down my debt, as I've been engaged for a year and need to be able to have a Jewish wedding, even a small affair where both of our families can merge. Between my dead, the need to pay for a wedding, and the desire to get into a house, the outlook on being able to buy a house ASAP so I can take my babies home is... well, pretty much nonexistent. I'm seriously hoping to win the lotto, as that seems like the only possible solution at this point. I have told my coworker, though, that I would like to visit regularly to make JoeBobby's transition easier, and to make sure he adjusts well. Based on the poor outlook of buying my own home, I sincerely doubt a temporary fostership would really be 'temporary' - it would be at least 2 years long, based on my current financial situation.

Thanks for the suggest on Rescue Remedy - I will certainly look into it as an option, at least for the first few visits, to try to keep him as at ease as possible. I will also see if I can track down the local tenancy board, to check out the enforceability of the no pets rule - though I'm not sure it would apply to condos. And if you happen to know any philanthropists who would love to help with my financial situation, I'd certainly be open to receiving the help! (just kidding!)

Thanks for all of your help and advice!
Jessica

Answer
Jessica,

It sounds like a tough situation, but there are sometimes organizations that will do long term foster care which might be helpful for you and your fiance to consider since it will be a couple of years before you are able to change your circumstances. My other question would be: is your dad okay with allowing JoeBobby full run of his house since he wants to rent out the spare room? That's an option that will allow you to keep JoeBobby somewhere safe, visit him frequently and eventually bring him to live with you and your fiance when you're financially able to make the move into a house. I've been caught by no pet clauses in lease agreements before, I'm sure that you realize this but in future it would probably be in JoeBobby's (and your) best interests if you deal with the pet issue up front before signing anything. I sincerely hope that you'll be able to keep JoeBobby since he obviously means so much to you, I wish you the best of luck and I'll keep you, your fiance, JoeBobby and your dad in my thoughts and prayers...Hopefully something good will happen that would allow you to keep being JoeBobby's mom - maybe the co-worker who was willing to provide your boy with a permanent home would consider keeping him temporarily in a long term foster situation where you'd continue to pay the vet, food and other bills related to this little man's upkeep....It's a thought.

As for financial options to help you out with any vet care that JoeBobby might need in a pinch I've enclosed a short list below.

- IMOM Inc., www.imom.org

- Help-A-Pet, www.help_a_pet,org

- The Pet Fund, www.thepetfund.com

- United Animal Nations LifeLine Fund, www.uan.org

- Angels for Animals, www.angels4animals.org

- Feline Veterinary Emergency Assistance Program, www.fveap.org

- Feline Outreach, www.felineoutreach.org

- Cats in Crisis, http://www.catsincrisis.org

- Care Credit, www.carecredit.com (these folks are a finance company)

- American Animal Hospital Association's Helping Pets Fund will accept requests from veterinarians and consider financial help on a case by case basis. You must use an AAHA accredited hospital in order to qualify and your vet must submit the application on your behalf. You can go to www.pets911.com to find an accredited vet clinic.

- Veterinary schools in your area may be prepared to offer you medical care for your kitty at a substantially discounted rate, you'd have to check the Education section of the American Veterinary Medical Association's (AVMA) website at www.avma.org

I understand that your financial situation is about as tight as it gets for the moment and in my experience that's often when things happen that require expensive vet care...Hopefully these resources will provide you with help in the event that things go seriously south and JoeBobby needs medical care. Take good care of JoeBobby and good luck. If you'd like me to provide you with further resources specific to your area that would consider helping financially with the cost of veterinary care, please feel free to contact me again with the state you're living in - I prefer not to list every single resources out there each time since it's essentially a waste of your time to look through resources outside of your area (the ones I've sent your way are just general and may accept your request for financial assistance on a case by case basis) and the more time that I waste copying resources down that you may not be able to use the less time that I'm able to devote to helping other pet parents in need.