Expert: Ali - 6/13/2010

Question
I read a clear and comforting answer which you gave to a question about a cat dying from internal bleeding. My question is slightly more specific:
Some days ago, our beloved and beautiful cat, in very good health, died suddenly. He was full of energy and joy in the morning, and ate his breakfast with gusto. We live in a fairly quiet neighbourhood and the road in front of our garden is not busy. It was drawn to our attention, around lunch time, that he was lying dead in his favourite spot among the bushes in the front garden, about a metre from the road. He had evidently chosen to be in that spot himself, and was not placed there by someone who had knocked him on the road. A dark, muddy substance was trickling out of his mouth.
We took him to the vet, who said that he was anaemic, and believed he'd been injured internally. Feeling his abdomen, he believed that our cat's spleen or liver had been ruptured. We didn't want him to do a post-mortem, and brought our cat home. I'm trying to make sense of it. He was still warm so must have only just passed. But the substance coming from his mouth, if it was blood, contained something else: it was charcoal black. Could that have come from his liver or spleen?
The vet said that he could have been hit by a car. But it doesn't make sense to me. His ribs and all his bones were fine, there were no marks on his body, or streaks of dog saliva. How is it possible that a car could hurt his underbelly, and not his back? Our kitty was very streetwise and alert, and would hear sounds of approaching cars long before they got near, and make for the side of the road. Is there any way that the bleeding could have been caused by something other than mechanical injury? I work from home, and am very aware on noisy vehicles on the narrow little road in front of our cottage. I heard nothing alarming during the time he must have been slipping away from us. I'm still trying to work out what could possibly have happened.

Thank you for your time and your kindness.

Debbie Gunter

Answer
Debbie,

I'm so very sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your precious feline companion. I really wish that I could give you a completely accurate diagnosis of what caused the unexpected death of your kitty, but I have to be honest with you ~ I believe that your vet is on the right track, however there is no way to find out with absolute certainty what caused your kitty's death unless the veterinarian performs a post mortem. There are a variety of different scenarios that could have contributed to your kitty's demise, but I'm not sure that giving you an exhaustive list of possibilities would be helpful because some are extremely disturbing. If you truly feel that the only way you'll find peace with your loss is to have me list some possible scenarios that may have caused your little guy's sudden journey to the Rainbow Bridge then I will, but I must caution you that there are several possibilities that will be heartwrenching and emotionally very difficult to turn over and over again in your mind. I know that part of grieving is finding some sort of closure, but the definition of closure/acceptance varies widely from person to person, I just don't want to contribute more to your pain by listing every possibility without regard for your emotions.

It's traumatic to lose a pet without any warning or a clear explanation of what caused them to pass onto the next life, but I think it's important to remember your kitty as he was. You can treasure the fact that regardless of his exact cause of death he chose to come home and above all he wanted to be close to his favorite people and closest friends (you and other members of his human family). It's clear to me that you love your precious little guy beyond anything that words can express and your pain at this point in time is greater than any comfort that I can give but there are a few things that might help to ease some of your pain. Above all your little guy loved you so very much, instinctively when cats are injured or ill they generally choose to hide so that they don't attract unwanted attention from predators ~ he knew in his heart, during his last moments in his physical body that you would protect him and that he'd be safe sunning himself in his favorite place. If your kitty did pass away as a direct result of a traumatic injury of any kind or an undiagnosed ailment that he hadn't shown any symptoms of it's important for you to know that with the severity of the internal bleeding you've described your little guy didn't suffer for very long. He most likely went into shock very quickly which would have given him a rush of adrenaline to dull the pain and he probably faded into a deep sleep which allowed him to pass gently with a minimum of pain or suffering. It sounds to me like you found him fairly soon after he passed and I can assure you that there wasn't anything you could have done to save him even if you'd seen exactly what happened, he most likely would have passed on before you would have been able to get him to the nearest veterinarian.

I know just how heartbreaking it is to grieve the loss of precious feline companions and I want to be sure that you know that I'm always willing to offer an empathetic ear to pet parents who've recently lost one of their furry kids. Don't allow anyone to tell you how to handle your emotions, questions or regrets ~ your little guy wasn't "Just a cat..." he was a member of your family and a very close friend and you are absolutely entitled to grieve his loss any way that you feel you need to. If part of the way that you need to grieve is to find out what's possibly caused his death I'm more than happy to list some of the more common causes of sudden deaths (certainly being hit by a car would be by far the most common cause of death in indoor/outdoor cats who are allowed outdoors unsupervised, but there are a couple of other possibilities as well none of which are easy to contemplate so I'm really hoping that I don't have to cause you further pain and suffering as you grieve for your precious friend). It's perfectly normal to question why you've lost someone you cared so deeply about without any warning, it's healthy to want to do something in his memory (such as setting up a memorial corner in a quiet room where you can go to grieve in whatever fashion you choose whenever you need to) and my ultimate recommendation is that you never allow anyone to trivialize your grief - your pain is real and you need time to regain your equilibrium. If you have minimal support from your family and friends during this painful journey then I would suggest that you consider researching some online communities that specialize in offering support to people who have lost a much loved animal companion ~ these sites are generally quite easy to find simply by searching pet loss or pet bereavement, but be forewarned you may have to explore a few sites before you're entirely comfortable in any given environment so please don't get discouraged if you don't find the right fit for you when you visit the first website.

I've also taken the liberty of including a few different pieces of writing that I've found comforting over the years when I've lost much loved companions. I really hope that you find some comfort in the following segment of this answer. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, I'm absolutely willing to offer an empathetic ear if you need someone to listen so please don't hesitate to contact me again anytime you need someone to lean on. My heart goes out to you and I wish that I had easy answers, but in this case there simply aren't any quick fixes...In time your memories of your little man won't be so intensely painful, you'll be able to laugh as you remember his unique personality and quirks and you'll be able to sense his happiness and joy as he waits patiently for you, his favorite person to meet him at the Rainbow Bridge.


The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

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Fragile Circle


"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."

Irving Townsend

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May your whiskers be ruffled by only pleasant breezes,
May your bowls be filled with tuna and sweet cream,
May your dreams be blessed with legions of mice,
And most of all,
May you forever purr in peace.
Amen

Author Unknown

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WITH ANGELS THEY PLAY

They haven't really been taken away.
They have only gone with the Angels to play.
They have been given wings with which to fly.
All their troubles have passed them by.
Their life in heaven now must start.
But we'll hold their memory in our hearts.
Nothing about them will be forgotten.
But now they sleep on billowy clouds of cotton.

Author Unknown

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THE ROSE BEYOND THE WALL

A rose once grew where all could see
sheltered beside a garden wall
And as the days passed swiftly by,
it spread its branches, straight and tall.

One day, a beam of light shone through
a crevice that had opened wide
The rose bent gently toward its warmth
then passed beyond to the other side...

Now, you who deeply feel its loss,
be comforted the rose blooms there
Its beauty even greater now,
nurtured by God's own loving care.

Author Unknown

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I just wanted to let you know that I made it home.
The journey wasn't an easy one, but it didn't take too long.

Everything is so pretty here, so white, so fresh and new
I wish that you could close your eyes and that you could see it too.

Please try not to be sad for me.
Try to understand God is taking care of me...
I'm in the shelter of His hands.

Here there is no sadness, no sorrow, and no pain.
Here there is no crying and I'll never hurt again.

Here it is so peaceful when all the angels sing.
I really have to go for now... I've just got to try my wings.

Author Unknown

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When you are sad,
I will dry your tears.
When you are scared,
I will comfort your fears.
When you are worried,
I will give you hope.
When you are confused,
I will help you cope.
And when you are lost,
and can't see the light.
I will be your beacon
shining ever so bright.
This is my oath.
I pledge to the end.
Why, you may ask?
Because you're my friend.

Author Unknown

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POEM FOR CATS

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is....forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am....forever and ever and ever.

Author Unknown

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TRIBUTE TO A BEST FRIEND

Sunlight streams through window pane
unto a spot on the floor....
then I remember,
it's where you used to lie, but now you are no more.
Our feet walk down a hall of carpet,
and muted echoes sound....
then I remember,
It's where your paws would joyously abound.
A voice is heard along the road,
and up beyond the hill,
then I remember it can't be yours....
your golden voice is still.
But I'll take that vacant spot of floor
and empty muted hall
and lay them with the absent voice
and unused dish along the wall.
I'll wrap these treasured memorials
in a blanket of my love
and keep them for my best friend
until we meet above.

Author Unknown


PS: I found many of these pieces on a Canadian pet bereavement website. There is also a touching video on Youtube called Til Then and it deals specifically with the emotions we as humans often experience when we lose such loyal, loving and accepting companions. Be forewarned, you'll need plenty of Kleenex if you choose to watch this video because it is a tear jerker.