Expert: Jessica - 6/8/2010

Question
Hi there!

I hope you can help me. I had five cats and recently I lost one of them to chronic kidney failure. Of course, I was heartbroken, and it seems that my other cats were too. To make things worst, we found a young kitten in the street and couldn´t help but adopting him since he was alone and half starved. Two of my cats seem to be extremely upset about this and the one who was closer to me, a 6 year old female, has this very sad look in her eyes and won´t let anyone hold her, and she hisses and becomes aggressive at the slightest provocation. She also used to sleep next to my head in my bed, but now she sleeps at the feet of the bed, as if she was mad at me or something.
I am sad not because she is angry at me, but because I see she is not feeling good and I love her so much.
What can I do to make her feel better? How do I make them know that there's no way I'm replacing them with the new kitten? Do you think it was cruel of us to introduce a new cat just weeks after the death of our other cat? Maybe we hurt them somehow, which certainly wasn´t our intention...

Hope u can help me and my cat

Dewey

Answer
Hi Dewey.  I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved cat.  Loss takes its toll on all members of the family, and unfortunately, every member must work through their grief on their own terms.  Loss and other changes, such as a new addition to the family, impact some cats especially strongly.  It's not your fault that they react this way, and there's no way to prevent them from feeling this deeply, it's simply in their nature.

There are differences of opinion on when is the right time to introduce a new pet to the family after you suffer the loss of a pet.  Some feel that you must give your other pets a full grieving period of several months, while others find that a new kitten can be a welcome distraction to their lonely pets.  I think that it depends largely on the individual cat's personality.  I don't think there was anything cruel about taking in a new kitten, though, considering the circumstances, and I think your cat will adjust just fine with a little time.  Remember that her world is rapidly changing for reasons she doesn't understand, and depression is a reasonable response to that.  She has a right to be a little stand-offish for a while.  After things settle back into a normal routine, she should begin to interact with you more like she used to.

However, things may not go "back to normal".  This is because bringing in a new cat OR losing a cat can change the dynamics of the relationships between the cats in the household.  Her new spot on the bed may permanently become at the foot of the bed, because of where the new cat is located, or because of where the passed away cat is no longer located.  Every space that has been left empty by the cat you have lost is now open to be filled by another cat, and this means both physically and behaviorally.  Likewise, the kitten may fill some positions that your 6-year-old female had once filled.  You may see changes among your cats, and this is to be expected, but with a little bit of time, most cat families with grow and evolve together nicely.  
Cats can suffer depression like humans, with appetite loss, poor hygiene, and a general disinterest in life.  This usually lasts from a couple weeks to up to a couple of months after suffering a loss.  You can discourage depression by giving her things to look forward to each day, on a schedule.  Have treats for her at a certain time each day, a play session at a certain time, and a combing or petting session at another time, if she enjoys that.  Setting up a routine is important for cats who are experiencing a lot of change, because it gives them a sense of stability in their lives.

If your cat begins to lose weight, or the depression lasts longer than a few weeks, you should talk to your vet about placing her on an antidepressant.  Many antidepressants used in humans can also benefit cats, and most cats only need them for a couple of months.

I hope everyone is feeling better soon!

Jessica