Expert: Tina - 1/25/2007

Question
Just to give you a little history:My cat will be 4 years in May. I found him on my front porch left for dead by his mother. He did not even have his eyes open. I bottle feed him from that day on. Shortly after finding him I found my husband. We have been married for 2 1/2 years. They have always had a love- hate relationship but, it has never been this bad. Recently he has been pooping on the floor and sometimes when my husband comes near him he growls and hisses. But, shortly after he is crawled up in his lap purring. This just infuriates my husband and I. We can not pinpoint why he is doing this. We would like to have children some day. I do not want to get rid of him. My husband is about at his wits end. Help me save my baby, Jazz!  

Answer
Hi Amanda,

Cat are very sensitive to moods and emotions. Your cat certainly picks up on your husband's negative feelings for him, and it understandably makes him feel insecure and frightened. Especially since your cat is likely very bonded to you, he feels insecure that your love might go away.

First I think if your cat has not been to the vet recently it is a good idea to get him checked up. There are possible medical causes for him defecating outside the litter box. Also, the litter box must always be kept scrupulously clean - clean enough you would walk in it in bare feet (because that is what your cat has to do).

I am not sure why your husband is "at his wit's end" simply because your cat hisses at him sometimes - especially since your cat seemed to want to make up with him. Ask him to have some patience and see this from your cat's point of view.

I think you should try using the Feliway plug-in diffuser and/or spray. Feliway helps reduce anxiety and aggression in cats, it mimics relaxing pheromones that cats exude from their cheek glands. Spraying doorways and furniture with Feliway can help ease aggression and calm nervous cats. The plug-in diffuser creates a constant release of Feliway, the spray is best for local and immediate but short-term effect. They work well used together. It is not detectable by humans at all (the spray smells like rubbing alcohol when you first use it, but that quickly evaporates). It is sold in most pet stores and online, for example at www.drsfostersmith.com.

There are also several herbal calming and anti-depressant supplements or medications you can try. Talk to your vet about this, but a good one to try is NutriCalm, it can be mixed in canned food or a little tuna and cats will eat it. It has calming herbs that can help anxious cats.

Behaviorally, you can condition your cat to be more relaxed around your husband. Does your husband ever feed him? If not, make him in charge of cat food. Your cat will come to see him as the source of food and treats. Have him hand feed small pieces of chicken or tuna to your cat. When you are in a  room with both your husband and your cat, pay some attention to your cat - if he feels like he only gets your attention when you are alone, and when your husband comes in the room he is ignored, of course he will feel insecure.

Cats taken from or abandoned by their mother early often remain emotional babies, and have more issues adapting to things in life. Just like humans, cats and dogs can suffer abandonment fears, and he was abandoned by his own mother at such a  young age. He now sees you as his mother!

I see no reason why children should be an issue, just follow the same advice as for your husband. You may find your cat ends up adoring your future children! Please don't take your cat to a shelter at any point. Adult cats stand a very slim chance of adoption, and an emotional sensitive cat like yours would not do well in a shelter environment. If the time ever comes when your family decides to find him a  new home, try contacting local no-kill adoption groups and ask them to help you screen potential adopters while you continue to foster him.

Good luck!