Expert: Tina - 7/5/2004

Question
Hello Becky,

I would love your advice on my situation:

In 1999, my girlfriend and I got four cats - all from the same litter.  We kept 2 (Teddy and Fiona) and gave the other 2 to my girlfriend's parents.   My girlfriend and I were planning to move to Washington DC together (for a new job for her and grad school for me), but things did not work out - we broke up.  My girlfriend's parents agreed to keep our two cats (as well as the two we have them - Ali and Raj) and promised them to me when I was ready for them.

I graduated in 2002 but have lived with roommates ever since and have felt that the cats have the best life on Cape Cod - where they have a big house and yard.  I live in Boston and visit them about once a month.

I am actually pretty close with my ex girlfriend's parents, who say I can have one of the cat's (Teddy - my favorite) when I am ready.  I also want to take his sister, Fiona, as they are very close.  I think it would be a mistake to take just Teddy, although I think my ex's parents are concerned that I will not give Fiona enough attention.  Although I have tended to favor Teddy and it is true that I give him the most attention (he commands it!), I would also be devoted to Fiona.  Here are my concerns/questions:

Should I take Teddy and Fiona when I am able to provide a good living situation for them?  I love them both immensely - in fact, I feel so connected to them that I would have tremendous regrets if I did not take them at some point.  On the other hand, I worry about disrupting their lives.  I feel that they are connected to me as well, but I'm just not sure what to do?  If I do take them, as I plan, do you have any ideas on how I can make the transition easiest for them?  Also, it may be tough to convince my ex's parents to let me take Fiona.  I feel it would be most detriminental to take Ted away from his litter mate.  Do you agree/disagree?

I would be most grateful for your thoughts on the issues I've raised.

Thanks,

Jeremy

Answer
HI Jeremy,

I think you should take Teddy. If you have a special bond with you, he'd be happy to live with you when you can provide a lifelong stable home. Honestly I think he will be happy either way, so it's really your decision.

If the Teddy and Fiona are very close and you love then both, you should try to convince the inlaws to part with Fiona as well. If they trust you to take care of her and you point out that Teddy will not be as happy without his sister (and tell them they can visit her when they want) hopefully they will concede. Having a companion is so good for a cat because they get more exercise and companionship when you are not around.

Since Fiona is not as demanding of attention, it shouldn't matter if you don't devote quite as much time to her - after all she is choosing the amount of contact.

If they won't let you take Fiona, you could consider adopting a second cat from a shelter or rescue group as a companion for Teddy - either a kitten or an adult that is used to living with other cats. Talk to rescue staff and tell them you're looking for a cat that ould be a good companion for Teddy, they will know which cats get along really well with others. That way you'd be giving another cat a loving home as well. Teddy would miss Fiona at frst but cats are actually pretty adaptable and often accept a new companion. Occassionally cats are so tightly bonded that they will really pine for a lost companion, but that may not happen with Teddy. A good place to search for adoptable cats is www.petfinder.com

Alternately, you could just adopt another pair of needy cats and visit Teddy frequently. You could learn to love another pair as much and you'd know he is also loved and cared for with your in-laws.

It sounds like the cats are cuurently allowed outdoors, and I do recommend against that. Not only unsafe for them but moving and letting them outdoors is a sure way to lose them. Cats often try to return to their old home and get lost or injured on the way. Instead you may want to consider building a cat enclosure, more info at
http://catnet.stanford.edu/articles/enclosures.html

As for making a move easier on the cats, there are a number of things you can do. Brinnging their familiar items such as sratching posts, blankets or beds and things that smell like "home" such as a favorite chair will help. SInce you'd already be moved in to the home you don't have to worry about the stress of moving furniture and packing/unpacking with them. OUr adoption guide has some helpful info about bringing a cat into a new home:
http://catnet.stanford.edu/articles/careguide.html

Some tips on moving by car (more than a few hours) with your cat are at
http://catnet.stanford.edu/articles/moving_by_car.html

Good luck!